Making the wrong choice in a relationship

How to Stop Making the Wrong Relationship Choices

making the wrong choice in a relationship

The constant dissatisfaction, the rush, the way how we try to make But there might be a lot of reasons why you find yourself in the wrong relationship. It's easier to say yes to a simpler choice, to a person who is easier to get. Why do we desire and date people who aren't good to us? Why do we engage in toxic, bad relationships that hurt us and make us feel small. You will not have an enduring relationship until you know what satisfies you. Many self-sabotage themselves by making bad decisions.

Attraction is, to many of us, a mystery. How is it that qualities that led us to a person in the first place, can later repel us so strongly and lead to problems down the line?

making the wrong choice in a relationship

How does that cool confidence that once made us swoon turn into the soul crushing aloofness that distances us from a loved one? How does that first adorable hint of jealousy snowball into full-blown insecurity and dependence? How are we supposed to know when our attractions should be warning signs?

Here I want to address some of these questions and propose a way out of the patterns that lead us to choose the wrong partners so that we can establish relationships with the right ones.

7 Reasons Why We Choose the Wrong Partner

Therefore, the first thing to do when entering into a relationship or improving one, for that matter is to take a look at yourself and at the history of your relationships. What are the qualities that you typically look for in a partner? Are there certain negative qualities that always seem to show up and eventually drive you crazy?

making the wrong choice in a relationship

Do you have a pattern of choosing a person with specific traits, only to end up dissatisfied with them? Do your relationships seem to always break up for the same reasons? Once you recognize a pattern, you have something that you can work with. By figuring out how you go about ending up with the same objectionable partner in every relationship, you will know what to do to break this cycle. Take Chances When it comes to love, it is advisable to not only go into it with your heart; but to go into it with your head.

That way, instead of automatically selecting the same type of person for the same negative traits, you can try selecting a partner who is entirely different. For instance, if you grew up feeling invisible or ignored, you may avoid someone who shows a real interest in you.

making the wrong choice in a relationship

Instead, you may feel more attracted to someone who is distant or withholding of affection. You can consciously decide to be open to the possibility of being with someone who is different from the people you typically choose, for example, someone who expresses a strong attraction to you.

This change will most likely cause you to feel somewhat ambivalent. However, because you have identified your pattern, you can be aware of the negative factors influencing your decision.

Why do we make (and repeat) bad relationship choices? - PETRALOVECOACH [ blog ]

However, in relationships nothing interferes with the ability to have an authentic, reciprocal partnership like chronic low self-esteem. There are so many valid reasons we do this. Yet there comes a point where we need to make a choice: Depending on your life circumstances, the concept of valuing yourself may feel impossible.

The Pressure is Real Lets just say it: Society gives us terrible advice around our decision making for choosing a partner. This pressure leads many to settle for partners they know in the long run are wrong for them. It is the belief that a romantic relationship is the key to being happy. In fact, this mindset may actually be sabotaging your experience of finding a partner.

making the wrong choice in a relationship

Other people can feel it when you have anxiety about finding love. When you have that underlying feeling of needing to find a relationship out of fear, your entire vibe can change from calm and collected to insecure and riddled with self-doubt. Many of us pick partners who help us stay within our comfort zone, even if that zone turns out to be less than desirable. The experiences that make us who we are also influence whom we choose as a partner. For example, if our past was filled with feelings of rejection or inadequacy, we will be drawn to scenarios in which we feel the same way as adults.

6 Reasons We Choose the Wrong Partners and Stay in Unhappy Relationships - The Everygirl

Maybe that is what they were seeing while growing up, maybe this is really the thing they need, but the fact is, that they are the ones whose first question is not if they are in love with the other person but if that other person is able to create safety and comfort in their lives. There is no trouble with this either, we are all different, but this should not be the first question when it comes to relationships. You are afraid of being alone. In case this fear comes along with doing whatever it takes to avoid staying alone, it might easily lead you into a relationship where you have no real feelings for the other person at all, but you believe that something is still better than nothing and at least someone is paying attention to you.

making the wrong choice in a relationship

Someone just commented yesterday on Instagram under those couple of lines I put out from my new book, that it would be nice if I would talk more about the topic of loneliness -- I will. I will, because it's one of the most important pieces of your life and if this is not handled in the right manner, everything can fall and you will be making one wrong decision after the other.

You let someone back in your life just because it makes you happy that he wants you again, but if you are happy as an individual, before letting anyone come back, you realistically think through if it makes any sense. Then you'll think back to all those times you did it already, and you imagine with your inner eyes what would possibly happen if you would give him another chance Individuals who have built strong walls around themselves make hard decisions a lot easier than those who accept whoever, in an attempt to not having to stay alone.

The second type says yes for everything, forget about past pains, while the one who got a life that makes her happy doesn't make irresponsible decisions because she knows how much work her balanced life needed. You are afraid of what is going to happen to the other. I know how hard it is to say "I would like to end this now" after years past and battles won together or if you have something built up by the two of you.

But you have to make that decision not just for yourself but also for the other person. You do have to give him the chance of having a better life with someone else, a life where he is loved by someone the way he deserves to be. What you give, you get -- never forget this. The way you treat him now is how you are going to be treated in your future relationships -- this is just how it all works.

Don't be afraid of what is he going to be doing without you: He will get over it and will start a new life.

  • About the Author

You think that with someone else it's going to be easier. In cases like this, our protagonist decides to be with someone from the exact same kind -- without even realizing it at the beginning. There is her usual, comfortable but loved life she has, but she prefers stepping out of it to get some excitement -- instead of bringing it into the already existing relationship she owns. Obviously, thinking it through realistically, it makes no sense leaving everything behind, but in the hope of a better relationship she is willing to do it without any further thoughts.