What is a "Healthy" Marriage? | Your Divorce Questions
During my year studying Interpersonal Communications, I was introduced to the work of one of the top researchers in marriage and relationship health, Dr. John. what-makes-a-good-marriage-relationship page of Accord, who provide Marriage Preparation Courses as well as Marriage and Relationship Counselling. Check out these marriage stats from The Normal Bar: The Surprising What They Reveal About Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship.
Now, as a result, we spend more time at the dinner table, we take longer walks as a family, and we have been able to save money for some worthwhile experiences… like a weekend at the beach, for example.
Removing the nonessentials has allowed us to focus more on the essentials. And we have discovered that true life is found there.Joyce Meyer - Marriage Sermon 2017
Often times, our marriages follow the same trajectory. At first, when we have nothing but each other, we focus intently on the important building blocks of a healthy marriage.
Suddenly, we worry more about the appraisal value of our home than the value of our relationship. We check the health of our retirement account far more often than the health of our marriage. Or we spend more time taking care of the car in the garage than the other person in our bed. Wise couples realize that a nice home, car, or retirement account may appear nice to have, but they do not make a successful marriage.
They understand that there are far more important principles at play. At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever — and that is what defines true love. It is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad.
When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life. Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. Sometimes the best way to address a problem is to just walk away from it -- as in seriously let it go.
Not every slight must be addressed. Know that not every insult is intended. Practice letting go as much as you can. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds.
7 Signs of a Functional Relationship
And once in a while, remind yourself of why you married this person. Focus on those reasons and let stuff pass without mention. The trick to successful silence, however, is that you really let the problem pass. If you stay silent and still harbor bad thoughts, well, that's where ulcers come from. As the Beatles told us, "Let It Be. Relationships aren't flat-lined; that's death, actually.
Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We all go through periods where the mere thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can't stand the sound of their breathing next to us.
8 Essentials for a Healthy Marriage
We've all been there. The trick is knowing that you won't stay in either place forever. Truth is, in a marriage, you spend most of your time in an emotional middle ground. It's not songbirds chirping, nor is it considering which poison in his pasta will cause the most painful demise. This middle ground isn't the couple who sit in the restaurant across from one another without conversing.
Those people have actually flat-lined and just don't know it yet. No, the middle ground is when months meld into years and you know what the reaction will be before you say something. It's when the book you finished last night just migrates automatically to the nightstand on his side and he tells you about the recorded "Modern Family" episode you slept through. It's the every day ebb and flow without the waves.
We tend to take advantage of those we love the most -- probably because we know they love us and we can get away with it. It's the old kick-the-cat syndrome. You have a bad day at the office and come home and take it out on your mate. A much healthier pattern is to start out each day by asking yourself, "What can I do today to make my partner happy? Doesn't it make more sense to put your best face on for someone you love? Look for ways to say "yes.
That sometimes means sitting through endlessly long ball games, putting on a tie, watching a horror movie with your eyes closed, and traveling around old Civil War battleground sites when you really wanted to be vacationing on a beach in Hawaii. It's doing things for your partner. Maintain intimacy and passion, both inside and outside the bedroom. When you sense your temper rising, either take a break, or interject with some humor.
Stop the negativity in its tracks.
What is a “Healthy” Marriage?
These skills will not only help you in your marriage, but they will help you as a parent when you teach your children positive methods of self-soothing. Accept Influence From Your Spouse. Resist the pattern of turning down every request your husband and wife makes. This means stretching your comfort zone. So if your significant other asks for you to wake up early on a Saturday morning to pray in front of abortion clinic, for example, try it, instead of making excuses or backing down. This is where couples who practice Natural Family Planning have an advantage.
This just means keeping up the courtship all throughout marriage. Learn to love each other well. Keep a greater ratio of positivity to negativity. My husband, Alex and I can attribute much of our success in marriage to prayer, regularly receiving the sacraments, and following these points in our relationship.
If you recognize these habits in your own relationship, congrats! Article originally published by CatholicMatch Institutewhich provides resources to help single Catholics develop a strong foundation for marriage through advocacy, programs, and scholarships.