Violated Boundaries: How people invade others' personal boundaries
A healthy relationship starts with mutual respect, and that includes If the answer to that has anything to do with violating their privacy, it might. When your privacy is violated you might feel angry, and rightfully so, with a desire to pull And if his wife finds out about it, their relationship will probably not be. is the best way to respect yourself, your partner and the relationship. to why violating your partners privacy could be far more hurtful to you.
I believe that when we are tempted to engage in this behavior we are really trying to address some larger issues in the relationship or in our own psyche. While I really understand the temptation, as I've felt it and in my younger days even acted on itI'd like to share a few arguments as to why violating your partners privacy could be far more hurtful to you, and the relationship, than it is helpful. Additionally, I'd like to present some alternatives that might help you better achieve your long term relational goals.
It itches so you believe that by scratching it you'll get some relief. But instead, the more you scratch the more it spreads and the more scratching you need to do. The best policy is to never start scratching at all. Even if you don't find anything suspicious when you check, the act of checking has now become associated with the feeling of relief. So every time you seek relief, you may feel the urge to do so through snooping.
If you found nothing, the relief you feel will quickly be replaced with guilt and now you are stuck with the uncomfortable feeling of knowing that you violated the privacy and trust of the person you love and they've done nothing wrong.
Both of these sounds like pretty awful situations to be in. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If there is a quality you value in a partner, you should come to the table fully with this quality. If you are snooping on your partner's communication devices you may cause major problems for them professionally. In certain professions it could actually be a securities violation or put protected health information HIPAA in jeopardy.
Is satisfying your curiosity worth putting your partners job or professional credibility at risk? So next time you're tempted to snoop here are a few things you could try instead: We have minds that seek information.
We also have the ability to exercise impulse control and make decisions aligned with our own values and morals. If it's just vague curiosity, understand it as normal, and then anchor to your values and channel your willpower.
Express your worries and how they undermine the sanctity and safety of the relationship. Open communication and the ability to work through problems together is a huge component of healthy relationships. If you can successfully navigate a tough discussion like this one it says a lot about the strength of your relationship. If your partner gets super defensive when you express your concerns, rather than trying to reassure you, I'd encourage you to keep the dialogue going until you feel like you have all of the information.
No body ever touched any of my stuff. And that could be the case. But the opposite is what happened. He finally felt like he could enjoy some privacy when we moved in together.
I, on the other hand, have never lived anywhere where a drawer or a closet or a desk was not mine. Additionally, I am an organization freak, and LOVE to go through his papers and put little files together and clean it all up for him. Privacy is an important aspect of our selves. Communicate Your Boundaries There is nothing wrong with your wanting your desk to be private, or your mail to be unopened when you get home.
There is nothing wrong with your partner wanting their space untouched.
Do You Have a Right to Privacy in Your Marriage?
Set yours, and ask your partner to do the same. Keep in mind that this is now both of your homes. But it is perfectly reasonable for your desks to be private. Maybe there is absolutely nothing in that desk that is private or different at all. This is a hard concept for some people to grasp.
Respecting Your Partner's Boundaries | catchsomeair.us
There is nothing at all wrong with a person wanting to have a place that just belongs to them. Just like there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend an evening home alone in your sweats watching the Twilight Zone marathon by yourself. Alone time, and privacy, are natural human needs. This is just one of many things that couples need to communicate about and respect each other on. You've Accidentally Found Something. Something in the laundry or the garbage.
A receipt to a bank account you know nothing about. Matches from a motel. Here are two totally different scenarios: I remember meeting a very happily married couple who told the most heart warming story of their first year together. She played piano, and he wanted to get her one, but money was tight. For an entire year, he had a secret part time job trying to save money for the extravagant gift. He was successful, and surprised her with a beautiful slightly used piano on their 1st wedding anniversary.
The bank account could have been his piano account. The matches, he could have borrowed from a friend or found someplace. The phone number could be his mistress. The bank account could be her secret stash. The matches could be the motel where they meet. Someone who really has something to hide is usually pretty aware of those kinds of mistakes, unless they want to get caught. My advice is to talk to your partner about your find. Just bring it to your partner and talk. Unless of course your partner is a devious manipulating cheating liar.
Privacy boundaries tend to relax over time.