Vindictiveness in relationship

The Vindictive Narcissist

vindictiveness in relationship

And in the case of an intimate relationship that purpose is to hurt your spouse. You want . Isn't it frightening how vindictive we can be? Isn't it. “It's taxing on the relationship and a burden for your S.O. to play so many roles,” she They're vindictive during fights and rarely apologize. They take traits 6 and 7 to an extreme and are vindictive and malicious. The relationship reflects the emotional abandonment and lack of.

Over time, they become deeply hurt and frustrated that despite their pleas and efforts, the narcissist appears to lack consideration for their feelings and needs. When the narcissist is a parent, by the time their children reach adulthood, the emotional abandonment, control, and criticism that they experienced growing up has negatively affected their self-esteem and capacity for achieving success or sustaining loving, intimate relationships.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

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The term narcissism is commonly used to describe personality traits among the general population, usually someone who is selfish or seeks attention. Actually, a degree of healthy narcissism makes a well-balanced, strong personality. On the other hand, a narcissistic personality disorder NPD is much different and requires specific criteria that must be met for a diagnosis.

It only affects a small percentage of people, more men than women. As described heresomeone with NPD is grandiose sometimes only in fantasylacks empathy, and needs admiration from others, as indicated by five of these summarized characteristics: A grandiose sense of self-importance and exaggerates achievements and talents.

Dreams of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Lacks empathy for the feelings and needs of others.

Why do people stay in hateful relationships? The concept of malignant vindictiveness.

Believes he or she is special and unique, and can only be understood by, or should associate with other special or high-status people or institutions. Unreasonably expects special, favorable treatment or compliance with his or her wishes. Exploits and takes advantage of others to achieve personal ends. The disorder also varies from mild to extreme. But of all the narcissists, beware of malignant narcissists, who are the most pernicious, hostile, and destructive.

They take traits 6 and 7 to an extreme and are vindictive and malicious. And it's a weapon. A powerful weapon that cuts deeper and deeper with every passing moment. You know the feeling and you know that it hurts. But did you know it's hurting your relationship a lot more than you could ever imagine? Communication is the most powerful asset to any relationship, whether it's family, intimate, friendship, business or any other kind of relationship and whenever we fail to communicate the relationship is weakened.

Many times that lack of communication is accidental or unintentional, but in the case of "the silent treatment" it is deliberate and purposeful and that purpose is to hurt someone. And in the case of an intimate relationship that purpose is to hurt your spouse. You want to make them feel bad because they made you feel bad.

vindictiveness in relationship

You wanna "get back at them. Do you remember the very first time you exacted revenge on someone? It wasn't during your first "real relationship. It wasn't in grade school or middle school.

Narcissistic Relationships

It was when you were 3 or 4 years old and some other little boy hit you. Or it was when you were in preschool and some other little girl took the doll you were using. Do you remember what you did? I can tell you! You hit that little boy back - that's what you did. Or you told that little girl that you didn't want to be her friend anymore. And you told other little girls not to be her friend. Or worst yet you tattle-taled. You went and you told your teacher or another adult that someone had wronged you and made you feel bad.

Trust me, you were not doing your duty as a fellow student - you were trying to get that other kid in trouble. You wanted that adult to come down hard on that child and exact the revenge you were either unwilling or unable to carry out yourself. You wanted that kid to be sat in a timeout and feel shame and hurt and have privileges taken away from them.

And in the end if that child was crying because of their punishment then THAT was the ultimate revenge! The eye-for-an-eye revenge you were thirsting for. It's how preschoolers operate. And the vast majority of us never totally outgrow that way of operating.

Revenge and Other Signs of an Immature Relationship | PairedLife

Then we deem ourselves mature enough to handle an intimate relationship and guess what happens when the very first sign of trouble arises? We revert right back to our preschool selves and start exacting revenge on our spouses. I didn't speak to my wife for three months because of an argument we had over something so stupid I can't even remember what it was.

vindictiveness in relationship

What I do remember is that she absolutely destroyed me in this argument. Beat me from pillar to post. Every point I made, she countered it. Every reason I presented she presented a better one. And it wasn't that she was right she's a doctor - she's usually always right - it's the fact that she was so merciless about the whole thing.

Or at least in my eyes she was merciless. As a result, they are paranoid, suspicious, scared and erratic. Frightening the narcissist is a powerful behaviour modification tool. If sufficiently deterred - the narcissist promptly disengages, gives up everything he fought for and sometimes make amends.

To act effectively, one has to identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist and strike repeated, escalating blows at them - until the narcissist lets go and vanishes.

If a narcissist has a secret - one should use this to threaten him. One should drop cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to the events and recently revealed evidence. The narcissist has a very vivid imagination. Let his imagination do the rest. The narcissist may have been involved in tax evasion, in malpractice, in child abuse, in infidelity - there are so many possibilities, which offer a rich vein of attack. If done cleverly, non-committally, gradually, in an escalating manner - the narcissist crumbles, disengages and disappears.