Apr 5, relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder vs. Narcissists manipulate by devaluing and discarding their victims to. While the beginnings of a relationship with someone who has Borderline phase depicts the person with Borderline Personality Disorder as a “victim of love . May 22, What are women who have been victims of men with borderline personality .. “ What was good in the relationship was simply the BPD/Narc Mirroring you and.
While borderlines have an intense fear of abandonment, a hallmark of their disorder, narcissists are often the ones doing the abandoning. Borderlines may engage in chronic manipulation of their loved ones using jealousy, control or threats to avoid abandonment only to heighten the risk of being abandoned due to clingy, needy or controlling behaviors.
Narcissists manipulate by devaluing and discarding their victims to humiliate and control them.
This includes covertly and overtly putting their victims down, subjecting them to stonewalling, emotionally withdrawing from them and invalidating them, as well as abandoning their loved ones without giving them any sense of closure or explanation.
Borderlines and narcissists share the intense experience of feeling and demonstrating an immense amount of rage. Borderlines have a wider emotional range than narcissists do, though they experience a similar sense of chronic emptiness and void as narcissists. Borderlines can in fact feel intense, loving feelings for their friends, family and relationship partners; the problem is, they tend to also devalue and manipulate those loved ones due to their rapidly shifting emotions and distorted sense of identity.
When they are not being their usual charming selves, narcissists tend to display flat affect, feel a sense of emotional numbness and experience perpetual boredom, which causes them to be on the lookout for new supply people that can provide them with validation, praise and admiration. Their most intense emotions tend to be envy and rage.
Narcissists also engage in something similar to splitting known as idealization and devaluation, where they are prone to putting their loved ones on a pedestal, only to swiftly knock them off. The idealization-devaluation-discard cycle with a narcissist is often not an emotionally charged or emotionally motivated cycle as it is in splitting, but rather a more manufactured pattern that enables narcissistic abusers to move forward to other sources of narcissistic supply.
It is commonly assumed that both disorders stem from trauma. There is still no clinical verdict on what causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder, though there are certainly some narcissists who can come from backgrounds of trauma. There may also be another theory of origin for narcissism; a recent study confirmed that overvaluing spoiling children and teaching them a sense of entitlement early on can lead to the birth of narcissistic traits Brumelman et. The origin of personality disorders is a complex topic and it usually involves the interaction between biological predisposition and environmental influences.
Borderlines may have more of a capacity for empathy than narcissists do. A recent study confirmed that, when not under mental duress, borderlines could recognize mental states in the facial expressions of others more accurately than even non-borderlines, possibly due to their own intense experiences of emotions Fertuck, et. However, both borderlines and narcissists have been shown by brain scans to have deficiencies in areas of the brain related to empathy.
These studies suggest that regardless of what disorder one has, those lower on the spectrum for both disorders may have a capacity for empathy if, and only if, they are willing to and guided to take on the perspective of another. Borderlines and narcissists can also differ in their ability to change and prognosis. This therapy merges interpersonal effectiveness skills with mindful coping methods to help those with borderline traits in emotion regulation, the reduction of self-harming behaviors and in healthier social interactions.
The developer of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Marsha Linehan, was herself diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and is part of the group of borderlines who no longer show traits after undergoing treatment. Though there are certainly borderlines who may not be as high-functioning, there are also borderlines who manage their symptoms successfully, even to the extent of remission and no longer meeting the criteria for their disorder.
This is probably because of early intervention: While DBT is helpful to borderlines, narcissists often feel rewarded by their behavior and are less likely to attend or benefit from therapy.
I am in no way excusing the actions of those who have BPD. Have said that, I would like people to have a bit more empathy towards those who suffer from this disease. People that have BPD do suffer, even the high functioning ones who don't show it or acknowledge it themselves or others. They are in constant hell and they can't walk away from it.
Borderline Relationship | Healing from Borderline Personality Disorder Abuse
Whether nons want to see it or not, they have a choice not to be involved with BPD, the ones that have it, don't. They have choices to manage it, but not walk away from it. The one other point is that we ALL have character flaws, and when you or other loved ones say they are nothing but hateful spiteful or manipulative, though they may have created actions to cause these feeling, we are not one to throw stones because in some way, we all have caused some harm to someone else.
You may not think so right off, but think about it: Others just might say the same about us. Resentments are often justified--but are they helpful? The staff at BPDFamily. Let's face it, the hallmark of a borderline personality disorder relationship is emotional immaturity by both partners. The idea that one partner was healthy loving and giving and the other partner was dysfunctional is seriously flawed. BPD is a real mental illness and a person with this disorder will have a history of failed relationships.
However, emotionally mature and grounded people do not get into such relationships. When we are caught up in the resentment, it obscures both our vision and motivation to identify and resolve the issues that plagued us in the relationship, such as selecting emotionally impaired partners; confusing sex with love or even things like our own issues, such as codependency. According to Mark Sichel, L.
Ask yourself, are you making the healthy choice? If you are angry, is it healthy anger or unhealthy anger?
In this blog posthe gives 10 steps to letting go of resentment: Approach resentment as the addictive state of mind it is. Realize that you are using resentment to replicate old dramas and acknowledge that you cannot change the past.
Examine how your resentment may come from mentally confusing people in your present life with people in your past. Acknowledge that you cannot control those who have rejected you. Recognize that your resentment gives you only illusions of strength.