Equality in Relationships | catchsomeair.us
50 50 rule blog catchsomeair.us “A relationship is supposed to be 50/50”. I'm pretty I hope that by the end, you will be left with something to ponder. There is no such thing as time frame. It depends on the two individuals concerned and how they want to make it work. Does the other person not want to be in a. Here are 50 smart pieces of advice on how to grow a great relationship across the Talking to your partner should be a priority, sure, but not your only priority.
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- Psychologists say single people are more fulfilled. I'm getting to understand why | Sara Benincasa
- 2. Have Realistic Expectations About Relationships and Romance
About a year after that, I did something similar at a party. This bloke was chatting me up, the banter was good, so when he asked if he could take me home, I said yes. Soon after that, I went on holiday with a couple of girlfriends and I had a week-long fling with an Ozzie barman, which was fun and made me feel normal.
Finally, I was the one who had something to talk about, the one who was giggly and giddy with excitement and self-importance. That was my last time. I am gregarious, have loads of interests, work out, have good dress sense — or so I am told — and am no more or less attractive than my friends, most of whom are happily married, or at least know what it feels like to be in love. It was hard watching them settle down, and even harder when their children started dating. I had wiped their bums, and one by one, from about age 14 onwards, they started to overtake me.
That was bad, but not quite as bad as when it dawned on them that there was something very, very unusual about me. Kids are so prepped for relationships these days — even year-olds talk about having girl- or boyfriends.
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So when they realised they had never seen me with a man, out popped the inevitable, nausea-inducing questions: I never felt I was being stand-offish, but maybe there was something in my body language that made me less approachable.
I remember when my two best friends and I started going to pubs. We would have been about 17 and our interest in boys was just awakening. Those were the days when lads would come up to your table and ask to buy you a drink and generally things would start off well enough, with everyone chatting, but then, as the evening progressed, I would slowly be rubbed out until I felt I had become totally invisible.
Psychologists say single people are more fulfilled. I'm getting to understand why Sara Benincasa Read more When I went to university, I fully expected my life as an adult to begin. Would you trust your partner to care for your child for a week by themselves?
Do you trust them to handle your money or make sound decisions under pressure? Do you trust them to not turn on you or blame you when you make mistakes? These are hard things to do. Trust at the beginning of a relationship is easy.
What if she is hiding something herself? The key to fostering and maintaining trust in the relationship is for both partners to be completely transparent and vulnerable: If something is bothering you, say something. This is important not only for addressing issues as they arise, but it proves to your partner that you have nothing to hide.
Those icky, insecure things you hate sharing with people? Share them with your partner. Make promises and then stick to them. You cannot build that track record until you own up to previous mistakes and set about correcting them. This is hard and will likely require confrontation to get to the bottom of.
Own up to it. And strive to be better. Trust is like a china plate. If you drop it and it breaks, you can put it back together with a lot of work and care. If you drop it and break it a second time, it will split into twice as many pieces and it will require far more time and care to put back together again.
But drop and break it enough times, and it will shatter into so many pieces that you will never be able to put it back together again, no matter what you do. Figure out as individuals what makes you happy as an individual, be happy yourself, then you each bring that to the relationship. You are supposed to keep the relationship happy by consistently sacrificing yourself for your partner and their wants and needs.
There is some truth to that. Every relationship requires each person to consciously choose to give something up at times.
Just read that again. This is the person you chose. It will only backfire and make you both miserable. Have the courage to be who you are, and most importantly, let your partner be who they are. Those are the two people who fell in love with each other in the first place.
What do I mean? Have your own interests, your own friends, your own support network, and your own hobbies. Overlap where you can, but not being identical should give you something to talk about and expose one another to. People sung the praises of separate checking accounts, separate credit cards, having different friends and hobbies, taking separate vacations from one another each year this has been a big one in my own relationship. Some even went so far as to recommend separate bathrooms or even separate bedrooms.
Some people are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. BUT, more importantly, this inability to let our partners be who they are, is a subtle form of disrespect. What does it say for your respect for yourself? Drives me nuts when I see women not let their husbands go out with the guys or are jealous of other women.
We have changed faiths, political parties, numerous hair colors and styles, but we love each other and possibly even more. Our grown kids constantly tell their friends what hopeless romantics we are. And the biggest thing that keeps us strong is not giving a fuck about what anyone else says about our relationship.
I can get on board with that.
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Among major life changes people told me their marriages went through and survived: Amazingly, these couples survived because their respect for each other allowed them to adapt and allow each person to continue to flourish and grow. You know who they are today, but you have no idea who this person is going to be in five years, ten years, and so on.
You have to be prepared for the unexpected, and truly ask yourself if you admire this person regardless of the superficial or not-so-superficial details, because I promise almost all of them at some point are going to either change or go away. In fact, at times, it will be downright soul-destroying. Which is why you need to make sure you and your partner know how to fight. Much like the body and muscles, it cannot get stronger without stress and challenge.
You have to fight. You have to hash things out. Obstacles make the marriage. What Gottman does is he gets married couples in a room, puts some cameras on them, and then he asks them to have a fight. He asks them to fight. Successful couples, like unsuccessful couples, he found, fight consistently.
And some of them fight furiously. He has been able to narrow down four characteristics of a couple that tend to lead to divorces or breakups.
Stonewalling withdrawing from an argument and ignoring your partner. The reader emails back this up as well. Out of the 1,some-odd emails, almost every single one referenced the importance of dealing with conflicts well.
Advice given by readers included: Never insult or name-call your partner. This solves nothing and just makes the fight twice as bad as it was before. Yeah, you forgot to pick up groceries on the way home, but what does him being rude to your mother last Thanksgiving have to do with anything? If things get too heated, take a breather. Remove yourself from the situation and come back once emotions have cooled off a bit.
This is a big one for me personally, sometimes when things get intense with my wife, I get overwhelmed and just leave for a while. I usually walk around the block times and let myself seeth for about 15 minutes. But all of this takes for granted another important point: Be willing to have the fights. Say the ugly things and get it all out in the open. This was a constant theme from the divorced readers. There were times when I saw huge red flags. Instead of trying to figure out what in the world was wrong, I just plowed ahead.
And instead of saying something, I ignored all of the signals. You can be right and be quiet at the same time. In fact, his findings were completely backwards from what most people actually expect: To me, like everything else, this comes back to the respect thing.
Compromise is bullshit, because it leaves both sides unsatisfied, losing little pieces of themselves in an effort to get along. Conflict becomes much easier to navigate because you see more of the context.
A similar concept seems to be true in relationships: But how do you get good at forgiving? What does that actually mean? Again, some advice from the readers: Some couples went as far as to make this the golden rule in their relationship. And you both agree to leave it there, not bring it up every month for the next three years.
When your partner screws up, you separate the intentions from the behavior. Not because they secretly hate you and want to divorce you. They are a good person. If you ever lose your faith in that, then you will begin to erode your faith in yourself. And finally, pick your battles wisely. You and your partner only have so many fucks to givemake sure you both are saving them for the real things that matter.
One piece of advice that comes to mind: Some things matter, worth getting upset about. Like Chinese water torture: Is it worth the cost of arguing?
Eventually your kids grow up, your obnoxious brother-in-law will join a monastery and your parents will die. You got it… Mr. You and your partner need to be the eye of the hurricane.
Even cleaning up when you accidentally pee on the toilet seat seriously, someone said that — these things all matter and add up over the long run.
This seems to become particularly important once kids enter the picture. If you get to know them deeply and well, that will pay off big-time in the long run. When you meet long distance it can be easy to jump in the deep end and move too fast in your new relationship. You may have great chemistry on paper or over the phone, and absolutely none in person.
Discuss some of your communication basics as a couple—how you generally prefer to connect phone, VoIP, textwhat times, and for how long. This can help set realistic expectations and avoid some miscommunications, frustration, and anxiety. Also check out 13 Tips For Dealing With Different Time Zones In A Long Distance Relationship Prioritize talking with each other It can take real effort to rearrange schedules and make time to talk, especially when things get busy or there is a time difference involved.
Do not overdose on talk-time. Unless you both value transparency and honesty more than making a good impression, you will have a much more difficult time figuring out whether you and your partner are a good fit for each other. Learn to listen carefully to your partner and ask good questions — questions that make them think and help you understand them better.
Find new things to talk about Most couples in a long distance relationship will go through periods where they struggle to find things to talk about apart from how their day was. When these seasons hit, put a bit more effort into finding new and fresh things to discuss or make it easy on yourself and check out the book below. Practice asking questions that make you feel vulnerable. Be willing to be transparent. Also check out I cheated on my long distance boyfriend, should I tell him?
So recommend books, articles, podcasts, music, movies, news items, etc to each other. If you can read or listen to some of the same things, that will help you share experiences and give you new things to talk about.
Read up on some of those stories and learn from those who have gone before. Talking to each other is great, but make that extra effort sometimes to try something new or go on a long distance date. Writing gives you more time and space to reflect on tricky issues, and letters and emails can become treasured keepsakes or maybe even a book in the future. Tell your partner how they can best help you during those times. Ask your partner to share these things with you, too.
If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work, learn some basic conflict-management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight. Also check out Love Is A Battlefield: If possible, save your serious disagreements for when you can talk them out in person or at least on the phone.
Learn to recognize and control your own emotions Long distance relationships often involve intense emotions and extreme ups and downs.
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There are times of intense loneliness, uncertainty, doubts, and fear. There are also times of extreme excitement, joy, and incandescent happiness. Learning to recognize, own, and manage your own emotions will pay off big time—now and in the future.