How To Solve Relationship Problems: 5 Secrets From Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
In fact, when handled properly, fighting can improve your relationship. If you never fight and never talk about your problems, you will never solve them. All couples run into relationship issues. Hear what experts have to say about resolving them and keeping your love life on track. When problem-solving everyday issues becomes a tug-of-war over who's right and who's wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions.
Insisting that your partner spend all of his or her time with you, insisting that they give up their friends or that you both hang around only your friends, insisting that you give approval of the clothes they wear, making sure that you make all the decisions about how you spend you time together and where you go when you go out, making them feel guilty when they spend time with their families, making sure you win all the arguments, always insisting that your feelings are the most important Emotional support involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that they meet your needs only in the precise way the you want them met.
An example might be when want your partner to show love for you by spending free time with you, sharing and being open, paying attention to your concerns and needs. Of course these are important activities, but your partner may often show his or her love by doing things, like sharing home responsibilities, bringing you gifts occasionally, discussing the day's events or books and movies you've shared.
Find out how your partner chooses to show his or her love for you and don't set criteria which mean that your partner must always behave differently before you're satisfied. Remember, too, that the words "I love you. I like being in a relationship with you.
You're important to me. Time Spent Together and Apart Time spent apart and time spent together is another common relationship concern. You may enjoy time together with your partner and your partner may want some time together with you, but you also may enjoy time alone, or with other friends. If this gets interpreted as, "my partner doesn't care for me as much as I care need" or "I resent the time my partner spends alone because they don't want to spend it with me and they must not really love me," you may be headed for a disastrous result by jumping to a premature conclusion.
Check out with your partner what time alone means and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Perhaps you can reach a compromise where you get more time together but leave your partner the freedom to be alone or with others times when it is needed, without your feeling rejected or neglected or thinking of your partner as selfish, inconsiderate, or non-caring.
Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away. Your Partner's Family For some people, dealing with their partner's family is difficult.
You may wonder how you can have a good relationship with them, or if you want to. Let's assume at the very beginning that most parents are concerned about their children. They do want to stay in contact with their children.
Solving Relationship Problems: Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Guide | Mark Manson
They do want to see them, visit them and have continuing contact with them. However, a problem sometimes arises when these parents forget that their children are separate individuals and that they now have separate lives and that they must make their own decisions. Some family members volunteer a lot of uninvited advice or try to tell you and your partner how to run your lives. One way of handling this is to listen respectfully, let them know that you care about what they think and what they would do, but not make any promises to follow their advice.
Just simply listen because they have a need to say it. If they attempt to pressure you into agreeing with them, you must be firm in saying, "I respect your views and ideas.
Thanks for letting us know how you might deal with it. We'll think about that when we make our decision. It will also be important that you and your partner be in agreement that you will deal with unsolicited advice in this way so you can support one another in the face of what could be some very intense "suggestions. I have to give up all my personal friends unless my partner likes them as well as I do.
Neither should it be assumed that your partner will like your personal friends as much as you do, so insisting that your friends should be their friends might not be reasonable. Just as with other areas in a relationship, who you and your partner spend time with together can be negotiated. You might ask, for instance: You can see those friends somewhere else or you can see them at home at a time when your partner is out doing something else.
You do not have to give up your friends who mean a great deal to you. Being forced into giving up friends usually leads to resentment. It's important to talk with your partner about friendships with others, to negotiate them and to recognize that each of you need to continue your friendships even when you are intimately involved with one another.
Money Matters How do you and your partner make decisions about handling money? Are decisions made individually or mutually? How are the priorities set about how money is to be earned? Who pays the bills? The solution is simple, yet feels difficult.
How would you change your behavior? This is good news! The next step is to understand the conflicting values between you and the other person. She likes the apartment to be spotless. She loves to wake up early. He loves staying up all night. She calls her mother every day. You call your mother once a year. The conflicts that emerge from these disagreements stem from contradictory values. All the classic relationship fights—managing finances, how to raise kids, cleanliness, health—are all fights around differing value systems.How to Argue the Right Way in a Relationship - Relationship Advice for Women
How do you make sure you communicate about those value differences without making things worse? Here are a few guidelines: Your emotions are your responsibility. But you have to communicate them in a way that signifies you maintain responsibility for them.
For example, a bad way of fighting is saying something like this: The second one is simply stating that you feel this way and asking them for help. They just drain you and are unproductive.
Instead, state how you feel, and state what triggered you to feel that way. And finally, if the other person gets defensive, acknowledge their good intentions, while simply telling them of the bad result. Look for the values behind the emotions. And values are always where the fights are. Our values are what we believe to be important and true in life.
When something contradicts our values, we react emotionally. For instance, if you value the safety of your kids, and some dickhead careens at 80 miles per hour down your street in his car while your kids are playing outside, you will justifiably get incredibly pissed off.
Conflicts emerge when people have contradicting values. Once you get past the emotions, you can start naming and identifying these values. Only then, will you actually see where you and the other person differ. What it really means to compromise. Some values are easy to compromise on. My wife hates it when I leave my clothes on the floor. Similarly, I hate it when she leaves lights on all over the house. Other values are difficult to compromise on.
If one parent is deeply religious and wants to raise the children religiously and the other parent is atheist and is disgusted by religion, then you have a serious value conflict that will be incredibly difficult to compromise on. So, that leads us to our next question. Are you both willing to compromise? That leaves only one important question left: I wish this question was easy to answer.
How to Resolve Relationship Problems | HealthyPlace
A common version of this dilemma is a long-distance relationship. Both people would rather date someone they live near. Yet they also want to date each other. Is it worth it? Ask yourself the following questions: In the end, most relationships in life are replaceable. Most values are also replaceable.
So it comes down to how replaceable each one is. People who love you will stick by you, even when you drive them crazy.
Therefore, periodic, low-level conflict can be a little bit healthy. And sometimes we get upset about those differences. So how do you know if you can live with the conflict? Well, values tend to fall under two categories: And once the respect and trust go, a healthy relationship becomes impossible.
Even if you stay in it, it will become something wholly unsatisfying, a blight on your daily life, something that you avoid within yourself like a bad habit or an impure thought.
It will follow you and hold you down wherever you go. And it will eventually force you to lose respect and trust for yourself. After all, the only way to tolerate distrust and disrespect in your life is to distrust and disrespect yourself. Forgive and move on.