Co-Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents: Making Joint Custody Work After a Divorce or Separation
If your co-parent's new partner will be part of your children's lives, find healthy ways to approach co-parenting with this person in the mix. Do's and Dont's for better co-parenting. Never sabotage your child's relationship with your Ex by trash talking. Never use your child to gain information about. Learn how to build a healthy, effective co-parenting relationship, including tips for making positive change.
Grandparents and Granddaughter with Digital Camera The only reason I feel like I can actually give tips for successful coparenting is because I practice them myself! Our girls were 4 and 7 back then and are about to turn 12 and A psychologist we consulted in case the kids had been deeply affected by our divorce, gave us, the parents, kudos for having such well-adjusted daughters.
'My Girlfriend Is Uncomfortable With My Co-Parenting Style. Am I In The Wrong?'
So in case it helps, this is what we did and continue to do for the benefit of our children. With our youngest last summer at the airport before sending her off to Spain to visit family c Lorraine C. Practice empathy Co-parenting your kids with your ex is no easy feat.
Practicing empathy, trying to put yourself in both your kids' and their dad's shoes will help you successfully navigate this situation. When your kids miss dad, allow them to voice their feelings. When dealing with dad, take into account that he loves the little ones too, and act accordingly.
Treat him the way you would like him to treat you. Be open and flexible with schedules Kids suffer when their parents argue about visitation schedules in front of them.
Even if you have a court-ordered parenting calendar, if dad wants to take the kids to a ball game or watch a soccer match on TV on one of your days, put the kids first. Will they enjoy it? Then, let them go! One day, when they grow up, they will thank you for allowing them this freedom.
Pick your battles It's important to have common ground rules and values for the kids in both households.
But it also stands to reason that each parent will deal with certain situations differently. Don't expect dad to do everything exactly the same way you do it. It is at a point in our relationship where this is going to be a deal breaker.
10 Real Life Tips For Successful Co-Parenting | HuffPost Life
She believes we cannot spend this time together with our daughter the way we have been. The most recent argument we had was my daughter was invited to a birthday party with her preschool friends on my time and she [her mother] came along for the duration of the party. This was unacceptable in her [my girlfriend's] eyes. Am I in the wrong? So while this concept has begun to gain more attention thanks to social mediait's important to remember the way you and your daughter's mom co-parent is not going to look the same as another couple's co-parenting.
Exes who can communicate productively and respectfully about their children on parenting issues. Exes who can negotiate effectively and resolve differences. Exes who can both be in attendance at child oriented activities, family holidays, etc.
Exes who wait until a new romantic relationship is solid and 'time-tested' before introducing a new partner into the mix. Considering the circumstances, it sounds like you and your co-parent are already doing a pretty great job incorporating these characteristics into your daughter's life.
Even on those days when you might not nail each and every one, take heart in knowing that you and your daughter's mom are navigating a tricky, ever-changing situation, and you're working together to do it. Giphy "I believe that the greatest gift a divorced or separated parent can give to their little ones is to have a healthy and productive co-parenting relationship with their child's other parent," Ross explains.
Spock can only do so much; the rest is trial and error. Giphy Now, on to your girlfriend. Her issue with your co-parenting may not have anything to do with the arrangement itself, but from her own insecurity in how she fits into the bigger picture of your life. Because your daughter is so young, it makes sense that both you and your ex want to spend as much time as possible with her, regardless of the situation.
So while I do think a child-friendly event, like a birthday party, is a totally appropriate place for you to interact with each other, the occasion doesn't actually matter. Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD. Set hurt and anger aside Successful co-parenting means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children.
Get your feelings out somewhere else. Never vent to your child. Friends, therapistsor even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.
If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down. Don't put your children in the middle You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, but what you can do is compartmentalize those feelings and remind yourself that they are your issues, not your child's.
Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children. Never use kids as messengers. When you use your children to convey messages to your co-parent, it puts them in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex directly. Keep your issues to yourself.
Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with their other parent that is free of your influence.
Improve communication with your co-parent Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible.
It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity.
Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you. Co-parenting communication methods However you choose to communicate, the following methods can help you initiate and maintain effective communication: Set a business-like tone. Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague—with cordiality, respect, and neutrality.
Relax and talk slowly.
Instead of making statements, which can be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as requests. Requests can begin "Would you be willing to…? Communicating with maturity starts with listening. Keep in mind that communicating with one another is going to be necessary for the length of your children's entire childhood—if not longer.
You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and over time you can become numb to the buttons they try to push. Though it may be extremely difficult in the early stages, frequent communication with your ex will convey the message to your children that you and your co-parent are a united front. Never let a discussion with your ex-partner digress into a conversation about your needs or their needs; it should always be about your child's needs only.
Quickly relieve stress in the moment.