Best Practices for Negotiating Polyamorous Relationship Agreements - catchsomeair.us
This one is an example of a Relationship Agreement (as opposed to a Safer Sex . definitions, Events, kids, polyamory, Tools, Workbook on November 9, and that the forms love may take are limited only by the imagination. Polyamory Relationship Contract. Picture. Excerpt from 'Opening Up' by Tristan Taormino. p Before you move in together, it can be a wonderful idea to take . Are relationship rules a good idea? Isn't polyamory without rules just anarchy? Get insights on rules, agreements, and game changers.
I will endeavor to keep my mind open and my boundaries flexible. I will support your growth processes. I will not attack you in public or private when something occurs that I don't like. I will instead accept it as a part of who you are and rationally discuss it with you in private in order to more fully understand who you are.
I will remember your love and constancy and communicate this to you. I will not judge you against my past relationships, good or bad. Nor will I hold on to issues or grudges. I will enjoy sharing hopes, dreams, and plans for the future with you now. Our time together has a high priority in my life. I value our time and will make conscious efforts to ensure we have as much time for each other as we need. I also recognize that we need separate and alone time, too.
I will respect your right to be apart from me, and I expect you to respect my right to have alone time also. I have friends and interests that are not in common with you; you also have friends and interests not in common with me. I will not be possessive or jealous of your time away from me, recognizing that the fulfillment and joy you receive benefits me as well.
I will be open to uncommon experiences with you though. Our careers are also important to us and I will be understanding when job demands temporarily take a high priority in your life; I expect the same from you. When problems occur, I will work with you to resolve them as soon as possible. When I am upset or conflicted, I will center myself, clarify my feelings, and determine my issues before confronting you.
Only then will I approach you to discuss my issues. I will never make threats of breaking our commitments to each other, leaving you, or asking you to leave. I will never intentionally physically harm you nor threaten to. I will not expect either of us to be perfect.
Occasionally I will get frustrated and stressed and disappointed, but I will not reject you nor attempt to control your individuality. I accept that I will have times of anger, sadness, fear, and pain and will want your emotional support.
I will not feel you are attacking me when you express frustrations or bad feelings. I use sexual intimacy as a way to express my love and inner self to you.
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I will not withhold sex to punish you nor use sex to control you. I value our sexual intimacy and will be open to your sexuality and need, as well as my own.
I may not agree with every desire you have and I will be open to new experiences. However, I will not do things I am uncomfortable with, nor would I force you to do that which is uncomfortable for you. I will not be intimate with another unless you are comfortable with it. If you feel threatened, I will show you my love and reassure you and listen to you.
Real Relationship Agreements, Rules and Contract by San Diego Polyamory Pod
However, I will not let you control my actions if you have unreasonable fears or a need to have power over me. I will be responsible for supporting myself, and I will share what I can with you to the best of my abilities. I have personal property and I will respect and care for your personal property, as well as our common property, as if it were my own. I will make agreements with you concerning mutual financial matters. To increase connection and harmony while reducing misunderstandings and unnecessary jealousy or suffering.
To support each other in our highest expression of polyamory and sacred sexuality. All partners are equals and enter into these relationship agreements in full awareness with informed consent.
Each individual is responsible for making their own decisions and considers the affects of their decisions on everyone they love.
Relationship Agreements, Rules, and Contracts by Polyamory PodKamalaDevi
We understand that these relationship agreements are not all encompassing, and we may make verbal agreements in addition to these bottom lines. Due to unforeseen circumstances, forgetting, misunderstanding, if an agreement is broken, we will agree to a clearing conversation as soon as possible.
The intention of the clearing conversation is to practice empathy and forgiveness and to get back into relationship integrity. If you are unsure about your boundaries or bottom lines, err on the safe side and communicate, communicate, communicate. The prime directive is to experience love and connection.
Seek to leave all relationships better than you found them. Do everything in your power not to be seduced into the story of separation. Seek win-win solutions that are sustainable for the greatest good of all. As a last resort, if a partner or a potential lover is causing harm or breaking any of the following agreements, the primary has the right to veto any new relationships in order to work on the love, trust and connection.
The Vetoing partner must hear and respect the unmet needs of the person they are vetoing. Veto is appropriate when someone is too stretched and can remove veto once they have come back into balance. Sometimes a veto-ing partner may say yes even though we are uncomfortable because it is a growth opportunity.
Acceptance is NOT the same as toleration. You are responsible for your own actions, feelings and needs. Do not blame anyone outside yourself for causing your upset or not meeting your needs. Hold others as responsible for themselves as well. Find your center, and stay in it, even when your partners are triggered or jealous. Ask for what you want and communicate your boundaries. Strive to be as congruent as possible when you say Yes and No. Remember, We can only love others to the degree we love ourselves…if we want to love a lot of other people we must love ourselves A LOT!
Polyamory in the News: Poly rules couples use
When something arises that you feel would matter to your partners, let them know that you would like to talk to them about it and at the first opportunity that you can mutually agree on. Especially if you are afraid speak about something in the area of sex, power and money!
Select exceptions may be made at play parties or sex clubs. For group sex events snuggle parties, play parties, sensual research dates, pod dates, three way connections, sex workshops, BDSM dates, etc. Let your partner s know if: Someone is in Career transition. If you are feeling jealous. If drugs are being used what kind and how often? No sleeping with someone who is married, unless their partners are in full consent.
All sex is to be safe, sane and consensual. Condoms and lubrication are to be used impeccably for all penetrative sex. Women get Paps once a year to test for HPV and to detect pre-cancerous cell growth which can be better treated if caught early.
There is discussion with full disclosure about safe sex practices before engaging in sex with any first time partners or if it has been a while since you have slept with that partner.