Finding a domestic discipline relationship stories

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finding a domestic discipline relationship stories

domestic discipline marriage, domestic discipline blogs, domestic discipline It does take time to find a person whose ideas coincide naturally with your own to . the story, "The Luck Of The Drawers" in the ebook "Confessions of a Spanking . For example, a guide of how to find out what exactly your wife wants. How you Domestic Discipline Bootcamp for Beginners: A two day relationship experience. I was honest with you that our relationship would be a domestic discipline one.” “ You also told me nobody—not even you—could take away my.

For example, limiting the discussion to only a relationship practice stymies a discussion about beliefs. Similarly, focusing entirely on identity ignores their relationships, community, and cultural practices. Because it involves spanking, discipline lifestyle sexual identity necessarily requires having or desiring a discipline relationship with another person.

When examining discipline relationships, I distinguish what people do their discipline practices from what they want. I identify what they call themselves because names are important to the meaning making and pleasure seeking process.

I also identify the reasons why they say they want this type of relationship and the explanations and beliefs they hold about spanking and discipline. Additionally, I explore not only the discipline relationships they want with a partner, but the relationships they have with themselves, with others, their community, and within the broader culture.

In Consensual Spanking, Jules Markham This authority often includes the right to act as the head of the household and make decisions within the relationship, for the family, or for the submitting partner DWC ; Mr Loving DD ; Markham The dominant partner frequently engages in acts of physical discipline, such as spanking, when the submitting partner does not obey the rules or conform to the standards the couple has agreed are important Markham ; Though discipline is frequently corporal, discipline can also include non-physical forms of punishment such as lecturing, writing corrective lines or standing in a corner Mr Loving DD ; Markham Disciplinary practices, though different for every couple, are consensual and private Markham Discipline lifestyle relationships are most visible online as heterosexual married couples, with a male dominant and female submissive partner Markham ; Wakeman There are less visible relationship configurations, including: Definitions, explanations, practices, and names for the various consensual discipline relationships and lifestyles vary.

Though domestic discipline or DD is a widely understood term, in this study I refer to discipline lifestyles or discipline relationships as umbrella terms to encompass the pluralities of the sexuality, relationships, and practices. These types of play activities take place in scenes that occur in either private or public spaces. By contrast, participants in the discipline relationship community consider their activities to be real, with a long-term partner, and not play.

Incidentally, the desire for long-term relationships, authority, discipline, and punishment as consequences for breaking rules distinguishes participants of discipline relationships from those of adult consensual spankers. Adult sexual spankers enjoy spanking as a sensation and find it arousing, but go to public spanking parties and clubs recreationally, will seek multiple spanking partners, and do not necessarily seek relationships for authority, punishment or control Markham ; Plante ; Forbes Many people who practice spanking admit to being spankos — short term for spankophile or someone who enjoys giving or receiving spankings.

Another term loosely identified with BDSM is kinky — someone with deviant or erotic tastes that go outside vanilla or mainstream conventional heteronormative sexuality Plante However, I chose to distinguish the discipline relationship sexuality and lifestyle the way participants preferred.

I came to understand the same say I might understand a woman who self-identifies as having a lesbian or queer identity without imposing lesbian identity on someone who identifies herself as queer or label free. Words and terms will often be used that have a slightly different context in discipline relationships than in BDSM. Participants often distinguish between being submissive and submitting to authority TIH Submitting means surrendering to desired authority and control — most often in the form of corporal punishment and spanking.

In this study I use submissive and dominant partner to mean the discipliner and the one who desires discipline -- but these are not consistently used throughout the discipline relationship communities and some participants might contest the use of my language for being overly sadomasochistic.

I use them as more gender-neutral terms. I considered using discipliner and disciplinee. I chose dominant and submissive because in some instances participants were not part of a discipline relationship and although they desired discipline had not received it.

In these instances the term disciplinee seemed inappropriate but submissive still felt applicable. In rare instances, partners switch — which means they desire to both give and receive discipline and take turns providing and receiving discipline from each other Markham Unlike in a BDSM scene, in disciplinary relationships there is no safe word, or way to stop discipline once it begins.

Ostensibly this is because discipline relationships are a lifestyle and while a spanking is temporary submitting to authority and control lasts the course of the relationship. What constitutes discipline contains many facets. Types of disciplinary spankings include maintenance to keep a partner in check; these are often weekly or monthly to ensure the submissive partner feels controlled, centered, and cared for and create a dynamic of authority for the dominant partner Kelley ; DWC 6 Reminder spankings or pre-emptive punishments serve to keep the submissive partner aware of their past misbehavior.

These are intended to keep the submitting partner out of trouble and discourage rule breaking. Punishments are harsher than maintenance because it is given after an infraction of established rules.

Most couples use spanking as a primary form of punishment. Not all couples use non-spanking punishment.

Those who do might include mouth soaping, corner time, written lines, or other loss of privileges. Many couples make formal or informal agreements between each other -- listing the expectations of both parties, rules, what constitutes misbehavior, clauses on the frequency of maintenance, consequences for misbehavior, and types of expected punishment.

These agreements are called discipline or spanking contracts Markham Not every couple uses a spanking contract. One form of misbehavior that is usually considered punishable is bratting — which is consciously or unconsciously misbehaving in order to gain attention or get spanked.

Bratting is a discouraged behavior and widely used term. Non-disciplinary spankings are not necessarily used within discipline relationships. These types of spankings can also be used by sexual spankers and might be used in discipline relationships if a partner desires spanking and the dominant partner chooses to give them.

None disciplinary spankings include good-girl or good-boy spanking which are spankings as rewards and have appeal only to people who find spanking desirable or erotic. Stress-release spankings which are generally requested by the submissive partner to release stress and not for any rule infractions.

Erotic and sensual spanking used for sexual turn on as foreplay. Ultimately, this study is a cultural exploration about what gives participants in the discipline relationship community sexual pleasure, barriers to their sexual satis- 7 faction, and the means they take to remove those barriers -- using a sociological lens.

Because most readers will be unfamiliar with this population, I first introduce them. I hope to offer insight into how participants find a name for their sexual identity. I describe what naming their identity means to them and how they come to understand their identities by refusing some names and labels and adopting others.

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I explore main explanations participants give or refuse to give about their sexual identities and the beliefs they hold about gender norms. These beliefs and explanations are important for two reasons. First, they inform the meanings people make about their sexual identities over time. Second, they also inform the communities people choose to affiliate with online and the way participants create and consume culture.

Mark takes domestic discipline to a new level…

I seek to answer my initial research question: Using interdisciplinary theoretical perspectives on gender and sexuality, social media use and communication, social processes, and social movements I explore discipline relationships, communities, and culture. My data sets include 1 narratives from in-depth and e-mail interviews 2 discipline relationship blogs and online community forums 3 second hand data from a survey about disciplinary wives published online DWC 4 30 discipline relationship manuals.

The participants I interviewed described their sexual identities by sharing with me their intimate sexual lives. Most of these were shared as narratives, which I call stories. They offer insight into their culture and communities by sharing their blogs, their stories, writing discipline romance novels, posting graphic art, and making almost inexhaustible indexes of spanking and discipline stories about the life and relationship they desire.

They use online social media to and communities to discuss their lifestyle, concerns, and give and receive advice. I found it useful in understanding their fluid lifestyle and identities more by reading many over 30 of their discipline manuals. Many of the participants wrote or con- 8 sumed enormous numbers of discipline and spanking lifestyle manuals. Some manuals describe how to come out, some how to give or receive proper discipline, and some explain why a relationship might improve if couples followed certain disciplinary techniques.

finding a domestic discipline relationship stories

If these participants sought validation or defense for their lifestyle, they found it both creating and consuming their culture and by giving me plenty to examine. In some instances, participants read and write blogs and stories as a passionate hobby. This cultural consumption reflects a dedication and defense of their mostly invisible sexual identity. At times such cultural consumptions feels like a nascent social movement — with participants defending their rights to sexual freedom and to exist within dominant culture.

Their stories, like all human interaction and study of culture, can be messy, confusing, even insightful. I discuss their culture, romance novels, manuals, rituals, and the consumption of what participants create. Their stories culminate as a people seeking sexual barriers they find the barriers causing them sexual dissatisfaction become an impetus for action and resolution affecting change. The solutions they seek are political acts expressed online and offer insight into the hegemonic normative sexuality reproduced within the dominant culture.

Consen- sual adult sexual spanking and discipline lifestyles have often been thought to be either abusive or BDSM, but this is a community being examined in a new way. While discipline relationships may seem unpleasant to some and compelling to others, understanding the cultural, historical, social connections that inform this lifestyle brings new understanding to areas of the sociology of sexuality, relationships, marriage, family, social psychology, identity, online culture, communication, and social movements.

I have sought to show the meanings individuals, groups, and communities create about their private desires; and attempted to describe their practices, beliefs, and explanations for them.

finding a domestic discipline relationship stories

Narrative 9 methodology centers on the participants and how they construct their narratives rather than on the story the researcher wishes to tell Hunter This study engages a feminist research approach to hearing the details of lived experiences. Using narratives as stories allows new insight into the identities and meanings participants have of their own lives — including surrounding power structures and their ensuing resistance to such power.

Narratives are influenced by culture, expectation, social control, and the socially constructed meanings from others Hunter I hope to show the socially constructed meanings influencing the narratives participants choose to tell and compare them to their online narratives. Comparing the narratives of these groups and communities provides a window into the social process of how online discipline lifestyle communities develop and change over time.

Social forces also influence the narratives they tell each other, write about, and tell me. Because of normative language of gender and heterosexist power is more visible I attempt to depict submissive men and queer voices in the discipline lifestyle.

Engaging narrative analysis of written stories online, I attempt to decode the power structures inherent in discipline lifestyles with a sociological lens. I provide insight into structural strategies, normative language, reproduction of binary gender, and power.

Another key contribution of my study is gender differences using social media to express similar ideas in graphic and pictures and to written and verbal language. Lastly, I have contributed to the sociological understanding of social media by connecting sociological analysis of both verbal and nonverbal as constructions of social media and social media as social space.

These all change over time and are not static.

finding a domestic discipline relationship stories

This is not playtime. I'm not suggesting that nothing on the HoH Rules comes directly from the HoH, but keep it minimal, clear and defined. Generalities on the HoH Rules will only cause confusion later on. Then share what item or two you would first like to have included from your HoH Rules. Here's what I suggest from years of Mentorship and experience: Then work your way up to a Spanking if the same misdeed is repeated and it's important to explain exactly why you are spanking them and remind them of the warning s they received.

And only when necessary, progress to a Punishment Spanking if the same transgression has been broken again within a specific amount of time. As you begin keep in mind your partners Safe Words and Aftercare. The amount of progress you will see is amazing. Schedule two Sit Down Discussions a week for the first year. An HoH wants their partner to succeed and is there as a helpful guide and supportive influence. Being an HoH isn't about spanking someone.

It is about loving someone and wanting to know they're happy and fulfilled in life and reaching their goals. Behind her eyelids, her mind began to chant. Please get this over with. When she was there, he moved to refine the position of her feet, and placed the bolster on the end in front of her hips. Sara started to bend down over into the position she knew was expected.

The cold impersonal atmosphere made Sara feel lonelier than she ever had before. What did he expect her confession or an explanation for her nervous movement a moment ago? Over the next few moments the master helped her with the answer.

He wanted both, and she gave them to him. The exchange slowly bled her of the powerful anxiety she felt. By the time his touch guided her torso down and her hips over the bolster, all that was left of the intense aversion Sara had been feeling, was moderate fear of the punishment to come, and resolution to accept it just as she promised she would.

Mild panic resurfaced when she felt the cuffs close around her ankles, but his voice soothed and reassured her. Taking your punishment and the pain will be secondary.

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You will take it, because you will have no choice, and it will be the worst you have ever endured. She was here to be punished more severely than she ever had been before. More severely than the man who loved her felt able to manage, as severely as her actions warranted, and as severely as she deserved to be punished. She knew she could not take that on her own, and she was grateful that she only had to give over to this means to help her have what she wanted.

finding a domestic discipline relationship stories

He began with the straps, licking her hard with each until she writhed with the burning pain. In sets of ten, he strapped her for twenty minutes. Each of them delivered a unique brand of pain.

The technique of using breaks between sets and gradually building the severity of each stroke until the last of each set was like a brand, was both the only reason Sara was still with him in the ritual, and why she was desperate that it be over at the peak of each set. When he put the straps down and left her, Sara sobbed quietly relieved to be alone.

No longer lonely, but wanting Miles to sooth her. She would never test his love for her again. She would never lie, or dishonor him again. They were delivered in only a minute. There was no time to cope with them. All Sara could do was scream.

When that was over, she cried and sobbed uncontrollably.

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The fury of it more than the pain, was overwhelming. The master left her alone for an hour. In that time the throb of her bottom became her company. It took her inside herself, through the meaning of her submission to this kind of thing, and into the place in her soul where her need for it lived.

The pain eased, and the lingering throb soothed. Sara was almost asleep when the master returned. The cane was next. She would have thirty strokes, and she knew with the first that she would die before it ended.