How to Deal With a Difficult Daughter in Law: 8 Steps
Bonds between some daughters- and mothers-in-law are sometimes compared But far too many women describe this relationship as fragile, tense, and even. The roots of the difficult daughter-in-law's behavior may go back to her If he has a close relationship with his mother, that could definitely play. A gutted mother opens up about her non-existent relationship with her daughter- in-law.
The geographical distance between the two of you. How close you are to your own child her partner. Whether or not you're a grandparent. Spend some quality time with her This could be as simple as inviting her over for a coffee, going out for lunch, taking part in an activity together, going for an afternoon stroll or maybe even arranging a day trip for the two of you.
The #1 Rule For A Good Relationship With Your Daughter-In-Law
It may seem daunting getting to know a person who means so much to your adult child, but involving them in helping to build your relationship with your daughter-in-law may make you more relaxed and prove to your daughter-in-law that you want to have a strong and positive relationship with her. This may be something that she's been worrying about.
When they moved many miles away to live near her parents, I phoned my daughter-in-law every month to see how she was and to ask how they were. After a while, she began to phone me too.
I had also babysat my eldest grandson one day a week before they moved away. I also made sure before they moved away that I was supportive of my daughter-in-law. I never thought I would find her easier to talk to than my daughters. Does he have days off? Could he see you with your daughter-in-law after work or during the weekend? Accept her flaws and respect her opinions No one is perfect, so there will undoubtedly be moments when your daughter-in-law presents herself in an unfavourable light or holds certain opinions that you may not agree with, whether it's to do with your adult child, your politics, your way of handling tricky situations or even your grandchildren.
The important thing is to retain her trust and confidence and don't overstep the mark as it may damage your hopes of building a solid relationship. Realise that you don't always have to see eye to eye The probability of you and your daughter-in-law agreeing on everything is, unfortunately, pretty slim, but as long as you come to recognise this fact and deal with any frustrations in a calm and rational way, it'll help you to build a positive relationship based on love and acceptance.
If you are a grandparent, it is important for you to be there as much as you can for your grandchildren, but also important, as a mother-in-law, for you to be there for your daughter-in-law. Be supportive and let her know that you're there if ever she needs someone to talk to. This can be invaluable for new mums in particular.
Remember that she must also be willing to respect you It works both ways, after all. Relationships take two, so it is vital that your daughter-in-law offers you the same level of respect that she would expect in return.
If this looks unlikely or you find yourself struggling to break the ice or receive the respect that you deserve, approach her and try to resolve the issue first-hand or talk to your son or daughter to see if they have any insight into why she is behaving in this way and what you or they could do about it. Communication is the true measure of any relationship. Recognise your own flaws Self-awareness is key to building and maintaining relationships of any kind, so be mindful of how you behave and express yourself, and what you may need to work on as an individual.
This may be difficult if you find yourself disagreeing with your daughter-in-law, no matter the situation, but knowing yourself and knowing when to take a step back are important skills to possess. I think I spent most of the time washing up, ironing and generally helping. I offer advice, but only if it's something I found worked for me in the past. I know that my daughter-in-law does not feel afraid to ask for help when she needs it.
Avoid any conflict where possible A tricky one, admittedly, but do-able.
Daughter-in-law conflict could stem from a variety of different sources including: Sharing different ideas and opinions. An urge to step in if you feel your adult child is being treated badly.
The idea that you will 'lose' your son or daughter to another person. Your daughter-in-law not feeling part of the family, even if you make efforts to include her.
Miscommunication especially perceiving something in a way that wasn't intended. Nervousness and awkwardness on either side. Get the latest lifestyle tips delivered straight to your inbox Communicate How can you avoid conflict with a difficult daughter-in-law?
Difficult daughter-in-law? How do you build a positive relationship with her?
It's a barrier few manage to jump over completely, especially if the underlying position of the in-law is 'are you good enough for my child?
Secretly, however, Mitchell admits she thinks her daughter-in-law is not grateful enough for her son, who she feels gets stuck with the lion's share of the bedtime routine after he's done a day's work at the office.
I'm left sacrificing my new career for my daughter-in-law's, especially when she asks me to do extra babysitting.
It's as if my career is a hobby because I am over If I'm good enough to look after her child, she has to put up with my way of doing it.
How to build a positive relationship with your daughter-in-law
And I obviously did a good job raising her husband. Ask your mother-in-law questions like, 'what was it like for you, bringing up children? How did you feel at the time? Too close for comfort? Set boundaries with your daughter-in-law—especially when asking questions about her marriage and personal or parenting decisions.
How is your sex life with my son? How are you and my son getting along these days?
Are you and my son making enough money to afford that private school you want to send my grandchild to? You can talk about money and marriage in general, but don't pry into their personal affairs. Tread lightly on giving advice to her about her marriage, working outside the home or parenting. Never give advice unless asked.