Repairing Your Relationship Without Speaking A Word | HuffPost Life
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It has ratings and my eagerness to find out what the authors had to say about how to fix everything. Repairing Your Relationship Without Speaking A Word author of Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You love: Relationship Repair in a Flash. When your relationship gets off track, use the H-E-A-L technique t let your partner know that you care.
Instead, the book suggests, a marriage can be improved by more indirect methods that bring people closer, without the deep and meaningful conversations that guys find so hard.
Here is a list of just ten of the ways that you can improve a marriage, without talking about it. Express your affection You can show your affection without talking.
Holding hands, a gentle run on the shoulder and smiling are all ways of using body language to do the communication. Show your affections daily and they will begin to realise how much you care. Leave them gifts Showing your love through small gifts will bring you closer together too. This is a very personal way of showing affection that will, over time, make the marriage stronger. Apologise, when you are wrong Admitting you are wrong is a way of indirectly showing your love.
Laugh more often Laughing is contagious, so give it a go. Even if things are really tense in a marriage, if you can laugh at problems, it will make them seem smaller for both of you. When they try to alleviate their feelings of vulnerability in opposite ways—by talking and not talking—all they end up sharing are disappointment and heartache.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words
For the most part, men regard their partners as their best friends, closest confidantes, and the most important people in their lives. And despite stereotypes about roving eyes and midlife crises, most men are satisfied with their partners' appearances.
In fact, the majority do not want the women in their lives to change in any significant way. A woman might think of suicide if she feels that no one loves her; a man will do it if he feels that he deserves no one's love, because he's a failure.
And the reason they feel this way is that their wives provide the meaning of life. The man's routine works when she's there. If you are spending time alone with someone you are attracted to for the sole purpose of getting to know this person or because it is enjoyable, you are playing with fire. Privacy allows for intimate conversation and activities that otherwise would be limited.
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One tip-off that you are starting down the slippery slope is a desire not to let your spouse know how much you think about this fascinating individual. Under normal circumstances, Nicole's fear and Donald's shame would have inhibited their attraction to each other. But once they allowed their emotions to attune to each other under the cover of privacy, the inhibitory power of their fear and shame vanished.
This sharp reduction of the influence of fear and shame is why, when infatuated, you feel so confident and proud while doing things that you might otherwise find fear-invoking or shameful. Am I acting like the person I most want to be? If not, what can I do to act like that person?
Improve make it a little betterappreciate, connect, or protect. Am I being the partner I want to be? If not, what can I do to be that kind of partner? Write down the following statements and read them out loud. We ask you to write them down because they get into your unconscious more quickly that way, and we ask you to read them aloud because you are more committed to them if you do, particularly if you read them aloud in front of another person. My emotional well-being is important to me.
My emotional well-being is more important than everything I resent. My emotional well-being is more important than anyone else's bad behavior. My relationship is more important than everything I resent and worthy of appreciation, time, energy, effort, and sacrifice. They get trapped in a rigid, monocular vision that makes the beloved seem like an opponent rather than a partner. When she can do that, her negotiations with her husband will be about a behavior request, not her value as a person, and the emotional intensity will vanish.
If you're a woman, it requires that you tune in to your man's dread of shame. If you do this, something magical will happen. As you focus on his dread of shame rather your own resentment, you will lower your own fear and increase the likelihood of connection. Likewise, men must tune in to their partner's anxiety. Guys, if you focus on her fear rather than your urge to withdraw, you will lower your discomfort and increase the likelihood of connection.
Be there with your partner's feelings. Many times, stepping into the puddle with the man in your life involves simply noticing his discomfort and honoring his space with silence and support. Make some physical gesture that you're there with him. Be available to do something that he's good at.
How to Fix Your Relationship Without Talking About It
This replaces his sense of failure with a sense of competence and mastery. People don't respect me, and I'm not all I could be as a lover. When reacting to your avoid or attack mode your partner, children, and people in general are unlikely even to notice your goals and intentions and even less likely to care about them.
People respond to the emotional tone of your motivation—what it feels like on the receiving end.
Avoid and attack feel devaluing. That's why your attempts to clarify your goals and intentions will always fail, unless you change your motivation to approach, to wanting to understand and appreciate his or her perspective rather than influence, control, or manipulate it.
Make a second copy and give it to your partner. My life has more meaning because of you.