Helping A Friend With Relationship Trouble - AskMen
How to respond when a friend reveals tension in their marriage. Written by . We have many free resources and services to help your family thrive. Find what's right for Q&A: Boundaries in marriage: Helping others with problems. My brother. Feb 11, When you're dealing with relationship problems an ear is more useful than an earful. How friends can help, Dr. Doherty found, is by giving. Asking for help with your relationships can be really difficult. Sharing your relationship problems can feel like a very personal thing. Many of us get embarrassed.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
What is it that you want? But there is an exception, as there is to every rule. Remember the 2 things that happen when you give someone advice: Do what feels right to you. Avoid amplifying on one feeling. Feelings rarely como solo.
But there are two people that have needs. Be as neutral as possible. Be there to listen. But most importantly, validate them. Do this by reiterating their experiences, their feelings and their current situation. Even though you know this is all temporary—it always is—you feel the need to ask other people what you should do. Think back real hard—what in particular helped or irked you about advice people gave you?
3 Ways to Give Good Relationship Advice - wikiHow
Did they tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself because other people have bigger problems? Did they offer some platitudes or cliche advice that sounded impossible to follow? When friends have problems that seem incurable and never-ending, you can sense that hopelessness.
And even if other people have much larger problems, we still dwell on our own because what matters, in that moment, is how we feel. They just want someone to lend an ear and be by their side through a difficult time.
Realizing this is key to delivering good advice. Give them a rant window. The best way to be a friend is to enable both what they want to do and what they need to do. You can likely still empathize on some level. You can still be an ear, take some time to think about it, and then share your thoughts later. That means listening carefully for clues that suggest either they, their spouse or their marriage might be in immediate danger.
Helping A Friend With Relationship Trouble
In his training sessions, Doherty astutely teaches Marital First Responders to be alert for signs of the triple-A threats: Your friend may be in denial, confused or not fully comprehending the seriousness of their situation. Friends help friends find the help they need.
And if necessary, friends gently convince friends of their need. In their book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved, Joe and Michelle Williams warn that highly personal information about a spouse should not be divulged to friends without first obtaining the spouse's permission. In particular, they warn against sharing about: All the same, remaining objective is crucial.
Our role, as a concerned friend, is to support our friend by supporting their marriage. Remember too that even the "supported" spouse will very likely feel insulted by negative attitudes toward their partner. This comment from a friend is telling: DO offer empathy Offering empathy is a powerful way to help a friend without diminishing their marriage.
You can say things like: