How Flirting Works | Stuff You Should Know
He often flirts with me and tells me that he isn't happy with his girlfriend anymore. And then Josh is this new guy I met recently. He is cute and. Josh Chesler | September 16, | am Here are 10 of the top things guys say while flirting, along with what we really mean when we say them. See also. Josh Clark: I just wanted to demonstrate an example of flirting. And guys, we're idiots, men are idiots so we need the females to tell us these things along the.
It's all very - it's very, again, smooth, if done right.
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If not, it's painfully clumsy. Either way, it's driven by desire, which is an emotion and guess who makes an appearance, our old friend - Chuck Bryant: No, I mean, he's always in the backdrop somewhere. He's got his fingers in - Chuck Bryant: The fight or flight response. The sympathetic nervous system! So, basically, this very primeval part of the brain takes over when you see a woman or man that you would like to have sex with.
Which controls the sympathetic nervous system? The - so, you see somebody, you're turned on and you engage in this flirtatious behavior but you're not thinking I'm going to puff my chest out, but you do anyway or women don't, you know, kind of swivel their hips a little bit to let the guy see, you know, that they're of a proper ratio from waist to hip.
Yeah, let's talk about that just briefly. That's pretty interesting, isn't it? Yeah, apparently, women will draw attention to their pelvis because it indicates whether or not they can carry a child and additionally, men are attracted to women with that ratio, the hip to waist ratio - the waist must be no more than 60 to 80 percent of the hip circumference.
You want to know what's uncanny. They've done studies on women with those kind of ratios and they've found that the women who fall into that 60 to 80 percent - actually 70 - the ones who fall right in the middle, are the most fertile. Yeah, so, there's actually a basis in it so when you see a curvaceous woman and you're turned on by her, you're basically responding to eons of collective memory of experience that's on this cellular level.
It is baby and it's real strong. So, we know all this because people actually study it and there is a guy - all this studying started in the 70s I think. Real serious study of flirting started in the 70s. There was a guy and as per usual, I'm going to butcher this person's name. Sounds good to me. And, Iranious, was a - I don't actually know. I imagine maybe some sort of psychologist, a sociologist possible. He came up with his own little camera that took a picture in a different direction than he was pointing it so he could get candid photos of people.
And he trained this super cool camera on couples around the world who were engaged in flirting - Chuck Bryant: Without pointing the camera at them. So, they didn't think they were being photographed and they weren't paying it any attention to him and he started comparing these photos and he found a pattern actually and women generally tend to extend their necks, which is actually very comparable to female wolves in the wild that will turn over and submit to men.
It's an act of submission. Men tend to puff out their chests and all of this together, it's very animalistic and it's - Chuck Bryant: How about suck in their stomach? Is that in there? Actually, if you think about it, sucking in your stomach puffs out your chest. And you want to puff out your chest. You want your chin to go up and appear broader. One of the things you're showing a woman as a man is that you are - well, number one, you're virile and bilateral symmetry, your face being even on both sides is a real sign of developmental health so good genes right there.
I saw a special on that once. It's kind of off-putting - asymmetry is a little off-putting if you really think about it. And, so, you've got symmetry, right. So, that's actual reproductive health. You have a prominent jaw, that's developed by testosterone so you have reproductive ability and if you're a big guy, wide shoulders, you know, a big chest you can puff out, you're showing that you can actually protect the young that you're about to create with this woman you're going to get it on with - Chuck Bryant: Right, with the hip ratio.
So, that was the original study. This guy found that this is universal, right. And then it started to really kind of take off. And actually most of the actual studies of flirting and flirtatious behavior have been conducted in lounges, like, one landmark study was conducted in the bar of a Hyatt Hotel and after studying, I don't know, probably for several days, if not weeks, the researchers got so good at it that they could predict just on body language alone was going to go upstairs together.
Yeah, so, we've got flirting down pat. Unfortunately, you know, most of us don't have flirting down pat. Like, researchers may understand it but it's still just kind of this vague often uneasy kind of thing. Right, there's no formula. No, there definitely isn't.
It'd probably be kind of depressing if there was a formula and obviously there is a universal physical gestures but apparently we have - different cultures have layered on their own interpretations of these gestures, right? Yeah, that makes sense. Did you read that Germans and Americans famously tend to get their wires crossed when flirting? What does that mean? German women find American men too forward when they flirt and apparently German men just get all sorts of confused when American women are just talking to them.
They assume they're being flirted with. Yeah, I could see that. Probably because of the same reason that American women I think are a little more forward than German women.
10 Things Men Say While Flirting (And What They Really Mean) | Phoenix New Times
So, I've got another study if we have time. I'd love it, yeah. And this was not in a bar. This was a few years ago at Tulane University and they researched a little bit about how flirting affected women in the workplace and their careers and it was a small sample, only women, but fairly valid. I haven't even told you this. Flirting gets you ahead or no? I would say yeah.
Does it kind of cheapen the value of your personality in the eyes of other people? They didn't say but that's what - I could assume that maybe a man would not take a woman as seriously if he realized that she was flirting to try and get ahead.
I know I wouldn't. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Way to pull that one up from the bowels of Tulane. So, well, that's flirting. Hopefully it helps a little bit here or there for all you awkward single gangly young men out there who have trouble getting dates.
I'm torn between two men
Just make them laugh. Yeah, really, ultimately, throw symmetry out the window. If you're not very virile, whatever, there's pills out there. In both Chucks and my opinion, it comes down to if you can make a woman laugh, she'll be yours forever. If you're not funny, then we have no advice for you whatsoever. You better be handsome. That's all I gotta say. Well, I guess, you know, Chuck, it's probably time for their advice for us which would be - Chuck Bryant: Josh, this listener mail isn't so much advice but it's some fan mail from - Josh Clark: Was that a terrible segway?
So, hi, I've been listening to your podcasts, enjoying them greatly. Always a good way to get your thing read on the mail by the way, starting off that way. And this is on the podcast we did on guerilla gardening which is when people take over public spaces and plant flowers and things and at one point in the podcast we talked about how we can't imagine that someone would not want anyone to do this.
Should we play that? Yeah, let's play a little clip. I want to meet the person who sees what's going on and is goes home and is just fuming, how dare they plant those flowers right there. I'm curious what's happening in there.
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Yeah, and I don't think I could explain it but I know for a fact that I've met people like that before.
It's always a little unsettling. In some areas, a person can lose some rights pertaining to their own land if someone else can show a pattern of long-term benefit from trespassing.
So, they're thinking of people parking or walking on other folks land for 20 years then the owner comes and they're unable to get rid of these people without any legal recourse. So, the only way to have - to prevent this in some cases, is to keep people from establishing that long-term usage benefit in the first place, i.
If the boy you are interested in is prepared to flirt with you or say unpleasant things about his girlfriend — how will you trust him not to do the same to you one day?
Make sure their actions and behaviour back up what they are saying. Carl needs to sort out his relationship with his girlfriend. Most guys if they really like you in a romantic way — will do something about it.
More often that not it is the latter but better to ask and find out. Date someone because you really want to and not because they are the only option or because you feel sorry for them. Would you want someone to choose you on those criteria? If you do choose him — make sure it is because you want Josh for who he is and not for who you want him to be.
Treat people like you would like to be treated. I have two friends Jack and Susan who started dating in their twenties.
The relationships you have now when you are young will impact yours and their future relationships. If I have any regrets about my dating history — it is that I had too many boyfriends. I wish I had had more time to hang out with friends, pursue my own interests and establish my identity outside of a relationship. So, my advice, as you asked, would be: If anyone else has any advice for Mimi — please use the comments section below.