10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship
A healthy relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control. 2. Make good on your words. Follow through on your promises. When you say. How to Build a Healthy Relationship. Healthy relationships allow you to express your individuality (both with and without your partner), Not Helpful 2 Helpful 8. Jul 24, This guest article from YourTango was written by Dr. Lynda Klau. How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did.
The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy. So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy?
We begin with the understanding of what pure love is, and then redefine and update the romantic fairytale into a healthier type of love. Here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship: Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within. See your partner for who he or she really is. The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them.
Be willing to learn from each other. The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself. Get comfortable being alone. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.
Look closely at why a fight may begin. Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy.
Own who you are. True love only exists by loving yourself first. After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary. One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy.
This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you.How to keep a LONG & STRONG relationship
Focus on giving love. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply. Explore each other's interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship.
Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions. As the Months Go By: Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you want and need from the relationship. Since change is inevitable, welcoming it as an opportunity to enhance the relationship is more fruitful than trying to keep it from happening.
Occasionally set aside time to check in with each other on changing expectations and goals. If a couple ignores difficult topics for too long, their relationship is likely to drift into rocky waters without their noticing.
What to Do When Conflict Arises Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner.
Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication. Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family to be made.
The following are some guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution. Understand Each Others' Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were managed or not managed in your partner's family, and talk about how conflict was approached or avoided in your own family.
It is not unusual for couples to discover that their families had different ways of expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
VAV Healthy Relationships
Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off.
This "time-out' period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most important. Remember - if you are angry with your partner but don't know what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out! Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support.
Emotional support involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before you're satisfied.
Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never completely agree.
Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the issue. Distinguish between things you want versus things you need from your partner.
For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you several times a day may really only be a "want. A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms.
For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate. It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument.
Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time. Being a good listener requires the following: You might start this process with: Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest. Adopt a "Win-Win" Position.
A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and to eventually fail. The following will help you to distinguish between healthy and problematic relationship expectations: What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time.
Anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time. Feelings of love and passion change with time, as well. Respecting and valuing these changes is healthy. Love literally changes brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often richer type of passion than a new relationship.
It is difficult, but healthy, to accept that there are some things about our partners that will not change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is often an expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want.