The Mysterious Death of Jim Morrison
Jim Morrison's roller coaster romance with long-time girlfriend Pamela Courson ranks among the most torrid in rock history, reading like a modern. Jim Morrison and his girlfriend Pamela Courson went to the cinema to see . From Performing Songwriter Issue 93, Heaven Only Knows. Pamela Courson was the muse of the Lizard King, the one who lit his fire and with whom he lived a Pamela Courson Jim Morrison's love couple-wh From the start it was a tormented relationship, filled with arguments, violence, and.Pamela Courson
I would starve myself if I gained a few pounds. I liked to socialize and hear the latest gossip. Jim would act like I was the center of his world at some of the parties but as soon as it seemed I was distracted, talking to other people, I would see the looks Jim gave other females that he was either sleeping with or going to sleep with.
Jim was always on the prowl, even in public. Imagine how it made me feel. If you wondered why I stayed, I was waiting for him, to change and make me his one and only. I didn't want an open relationship, I never wanted that but that was the only way I could have Jim. He would not accept monogamylooking back, if he had really been in love with me, I think he would have wanted only me. After the parties sometimes, where we looked so in love, Jim would take me home and leave for the night, he didn't even spend the night with me after some of those evenings, I just felt so sad so much of the time.
I lived for Jim. I know people will say, he wrote songs about me. Looking back, those songs were sort of composites of me and other people he knew. He just went with ideas, and even though I was at concerts, he never dedicated a song to me, and I always hoped he would. I want to talk about "Themis" the boutique Jim funded for me. Everybody thinks since my friend had a boutique, I had to have one too.
Jim actually started talking to me about, finding something to do cause he was gone so much and when my friend brought up her boutique, I thought I could throw myself in something like that. I had been designing clothes since I was I loved fashion more than anything else really. Jim funded the boutique and it's not like I wasn't happy he did that for me but the reason he did the photo shoot for it was because, he wanted it to make a profit. It was a business and suddenly, Jim, who never cared about money, expected a return on this boutique because he put so much into it and I did like to spend his money.
He was thinking business, and he was cooperative during the photo shoot though I knew it wasn't his scene. He told me later how much he hated the clothes he had to pose in. So this was my dream, this boutique and Jim only stopped in a few times, though he was close by and even working upstairs sometimes and I wanted someone to share my dream with me, not just give me money for it.
That didn't happen, in fact he came in drunk and disruptive. Anyone could see, he was not into what I was doing. I was with him sometimes at the recording studio or at his concerts but there were lots of times he wasn't happy when I showed up. He had so many people around him, that's why. Why did he need me? I was just the girl at home, when he needed cleaning up and someone to take care of him.
People really don't understand what it was like. I didn't really make money in my boutique, it was harder to run than I thought and so many people came in just to see if Jim was around or ask me questions about him, it was a drag some of the time.
Themis was like a shiny new toy, I was in the spotlight and the photo shoot made me feel like a princess but it didn't last with Jim, I couldn't stay his princess for long. I became really vengeful with Jim.
I had spent all this time waiting for him to want a life with me and not with all the other women and want to spend his time with me. I had another love too, Jean.
Jean and I had a very sexual relationship. He was real royalty and exciting. He treated me well for a time, and because I wasn't allowed to go to Miami at all with Jim during his trial, I made myself sick, went into the hospital and Jim didn't rush home to me, instead he took his time getting back so I went with Jean out of the country.
Jean was very sweet to me and Jim and I had not been having a sexual relationship for a long time. When Jim would show-up, I knew I wasn't getting anything sexual. He had already given it all away. Jim was becoming a father figure to me and I was like his Mother taking care of him, it got kind of sad but Jean and I had a really strong sexual thing. Jean was great until he replaced me for his next conquest. At that point, it was the end ofI felt I wasn't enough for anyone.
I felt like nothing. I came back to Jim and his New York girlfriend showed up and told me about their affair. It didn't surprise me, and then it was her abortion she told me about, when I wanted nothing more than to marry Jim and have his child. Nothing anyone could say about Jim and other women surprised me. Jim came back and found us there at Diane's place and Jim and I went upstairs to talk and he didn't deny anything with the New York girl, but said that he needed to go downstairs and see her.
I asked him to choose me that night. My birthday was the next day and we didn't do many holidays together which always bothered me. I asked him to choose me over her and he said he would go down and talk to her and be right back and something about how I can't control him and I didn't own him.
He never came back that night, I waited all night. I went downstairs to find Jim and the New York girl asleep on the floor, naked. Jim tried to get me to apologize to the New York girl for barging in. Can you believe it? I did everything for this man and I was suppose to apologize to her on my birthday. This was a big deal at the time because it just brought back how many times Jim choose other women over me, if I was sick, Jim wasn't around.
Pamela Courson and Jim Morrison Lovers Astrology Compatibility Report
I could never find Jim half the time and when I did, I really didn't like what I saw. I wanted a home, a family, a man who came home at night. He was never going to give me a child, one time I told him I was pregnant in an attempt to get him closer to me but I really wasn't. He handed me cash to get an abortion, I was actually sort of hurt because he said he wasn't going to raise a kid. I did some things I shouldn't have done to try to get his attention but I wanted to believe he cared.
But I thought, since Jim seemed to be done with the Doors and done with L. It wasn't the same relationship we had when we were younger and first met.
We did things together but Jim was on a mission in Paris that had nothing to do with me really. He wanted to get his films shown and spend time alone writing.
It seemed like he was writing all the time and I couldn't go with him. I knew more people there than he knew in Paris and yet, he was still going off on his own to drink, and I thought, meet women.
His mail use to go to the Door's office in L. Letters from women back home that he had written to. I still wasn't free and clear of Jim and other women. I started hoping Jean would take me back, even though Jim and I took this road trip to Granada and Madrid and other places, it was like he was in his own world, no talk of getting married or us moving to Paris permanently. We didn't have sex either.
It had been so long but he was coughing all the time and not interested. He was sick and I kept making him go to doctors but we didn't have that same kind of relationship when we met.
He didn't make me feel beautiful. So I kept thinking maybe Jean would take me back and I spent time with Jean in June of while his girlfriend was somewhere else. I kept looking for Jean on the trip Jim and I took, because I was feeling not very secure with Jim once again. Then I found out, Jim was telling people he didn't want to go back to L. My heart dropped, he wasn't moving to Paris, this was like a get away and he was going home to all his girlfriends back in the U.
In fact, I stayed on Jim's back to create a will a couple of years before claiming the other Doors were greedy and they would take his money if he died and I would be out in the street. His will was my idea, I needed a piece of paper since I wasn't getting a marriage licensed signed. Jim gave me money, he let me buy things, but the one thing he didn't give me was love.
So this is the end of it all. I started learning Jim wasn't staying in Paris because he was telling people he wasn't. I questioned him and he said that he was staying but I knew he was lying to me. He told too many people I knew there and in letters he was going back to the U. It was typical of Jim to not tell me his true plans.
He also told me, he was getting out of Themis since I didn't want it anymore. I really didn't care about Themis at that point but I thought, he must plan to go back to L. I thought this was strange but he kept saying his legal fees were so high.
I thought there was more to it. There are photos people can see of us just 5 days before Jim died. We look like a happy, loving couple on a day trip in France. Jim had a lot of wine that day, so he was easy to be around. He wasn't saying much to me about the future, in fact, nothing at all. He was there and posing for pictures with me but he was detached and still not doing well. So then, the night before he died, we had a major fight back at the apartment after we left the restaurant across the street.
I was so angry with Jim and I started to rip-up some of his poetry that he had been writing without me around. He said some really cruel things to me, they were so bad and he had done it before but this time, I felt different. It wasn't like in L. He was calling me bad names and telling me, when our credit cards arrived, since we didn't have any in Paris at the time, I could take mine and some cash and he would take his and some cash and he was going off without me.
He said he was done and he had somewhere else to go. He started to go on about the heroin I kept in the apartment. I thought I tucked it away and he wouldn't know about all of it, but he knew.
I am not proud of it, but I got into it due to depression. I wanted to sleep and not think about anything when Jim wasn't around and I never knew when he'd be back.
He was sick in Paris all the time, but he was leaving and once again, I was going to be left with a credit card and money, but without Jim. I mentioned the letters to other women I saw and he said he was in love with someone else and going to meet her.
I don't think he was, I think he was going off alone but he would often say things just to hurt me. It went through me like a knife. I will take down your answers, but please be sure, I am surrounded in the light of Christ and you will have to tell the truth, once and for all.
When you met Jim Morrison, he was not famous and it seems like the two of you were happy, what is the real story about the beginning of your relationship? He was always very kind and always paid attention to me, but all of the happiness was only in the very beginning. Jim was not at all allowing a serious relationship. He was a poet and believed in being carefree. Jim was very very intelligent and so I felt very important because I was with someone so worldly, it seemed.
I believed in astrology and thought we were right for each other, destined to be together. There was constant cheating on both sides with you and Jim and then there was substance abuse on both sides, are you going to say it was just the 60's or why did all this happen in this relationship?
I was no longer the center of atttention as I once was in the beginning, although it was a very short lived time period. Drugs were readily available, Jim became very unhappy and so was I with not being cared for and being ignored.
What were you trying to get from Jim Morrison? He was famous and rich and I existed because of Jim. I was known because of Jim. Was this your first soul incarnation with Jim Morrison? Jim Morrison supposedly called you his "cosmic mate" and you were the women he always came back to, no matter what or who he was with.
He left his entire estate to you and dedicated his poetry book to you.
He gave you everything and eventually left the states to go to Paris with you. Were you his true "cosmic mate" and you obviously had this man and his love, what do you say about all that? I did have to go and find Jim and follow him around at times and try to figure out what his next move would be. I had stay on his back to get the poetry book dedicated to me, because at first he was going to dedicate it to Michael McClure. I told him he would look like a fag and that I deserved it, he owed it to me.
It was my idea, I wish it had been his idea. I also had to stay on him about his will. Someone that young wasn't going to have a will, he never thought of it until I said the other Doors were greedy. I said some bad things about the Doors all the time to Jim in private.
The money from the Doors bought me all this stuff but I always thought they took Jim away from me. Jim disowned his parents entirely and in a way, I was his only family but became less and less important to him as time went on. His sister and brother were kept in touch with secretly here and there but I was really the only stable one in his life. Were you abused by Jim Morrison? He made me feel as though he was repulsed by me. He always said the most horrible things to me and called me a whore and other names.
I sometimes didn't think Jim knew who he was talking to but it hurt. I know this is silly, but I use to blame the Santa Ana winds. When the Santa Ana winds would act up, I noticed Jim had some very dark moods. Did you always believe Jim would always come back to you because he always did?
Did you ever worry he wouldn't? In Paris, I realized he was going to leave me and that time, I didn't think he was coming back. Let's fast forward to Paris, it seems romantic from all the pictures of you and Jim there and since no one knew he was a famous singer there for the most part, they don't seem to be taken for press but it seems like you were in love and happy.
Five days before his death, you two look like the perfect couple touring Chantilly. What was really going on in Paris? I was feeling like we were down to our last chance. I admit, I wanted to see Jean again and he couldn't come back to L. Jean told me before, he wasn't coming back. I could not risk losing Jim. I couldn't go back to being nothing with no money or status.
What's more I couldn't allow myself to be dumped and publicly humiliated. Jim and I may have looked happy but he was very moody, depressed and withdrawn most of the time in Paris, running to his next drink, I didn't hang out with him on those binges and I never knew where he was a lot of the time.
How did Jim Morrison actually die and did you take any part in it or your friend the french count? Yes I did it.
Yes, Jean did take part as well, he helped me move him to the bathtub with a friend of his because I could not allow Jim to leave. Jim was leaving me and and wanted to start a new life without me. I could not allow him to do this. Yes, at first he was the love of my life but then I fell in love with Jean. I did not mean to kill him it was an accident. I meant to keep him with me in Paris. The night before, Jim said he was leaving when he got the money, and credit cards from back home.
I had no idea if he got them yet or not, so he could have left at any time and I just wanted him to stay in Paris and try to work it out with me. I thought if I gave him a shot of heroin, he would stay for some days and we could talk it out.
Jim was very sick in London a month before, he threw up blood in the bathtub after I had a hard time waking him up and I called down to the front desk of the hotel for a doctor. I used the story in London a month before, for what happened to him the night he died in Paris. I wasn't with him when he died. I did give him a shot of heroin and he never used it in Paris, or anywhere else. I gave him it to him without him knowing as he was out cold, sleeping and snoring really loud.
I gave it to him not to hurt him or kill him but to keep him in Paris. I knew he was sick and he wasn't use to heroin and this stuff was really strong and thought he would just sleep like I did on it. So I gave him the shot and left for the night. I couldn't stay there with this loud snoring, sick Jim after what he said to me the night before, but I thought he would stay in Paris, not run off somewhere else with another woman and I was trying to get him to stay with me.
I gave him my whole life, I didn't want him to leave because it felt different, like it was the last time and it would be the end. I don't know why but it did.
We weren't the same with each other. We were like friends.
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He was so bored with me. I mean we went to Corsica and I thought it was going to be romantic and Jim was so bored and he kept talking about how bored he was. Jim was not in love with me anymore, I always wondered if he ever was.
I think he felt sorry for me sometimes. When I went back to California, I couldn't deal with anyone and I thought he died from the heroin but Jean had freaked out badly on me and told me we would both go to jail and he packed up and left the France with his girlfriend just hours after Jim died.
Jean left me and now Jim was gone and I couldn't deal with the reality of it. I spent my whole adult life living for Jim Morrison and I had his money but I never had his love. I wasn't enough for him. I learned things are not important, the clothes, the money, the cars, it didn't matter. I was alone and I thought maybe I could start over with a guy named Randy, but I was too much for him and what I did to Jim and the love he never gave me, haunted me the rest of my life.
If you knew how many times I told myself, Jim must love me, you would call me pathetic. I had to tell myself, because most of the time, he wasn't telling me or showing me.
I am sorry I may have accidentally caused his death but I think in turn, he caused mine. Lydia Hutchinson July 8, 65 Comments Paris. July 2,early evening. At another theater, Jim Morrison sat alone, watching a documentary called Death Valley. At the same time, Jim Morrison walked the streets of Paris and shot up with some junkies on skid row. Meanwhile, at Orly Airport, Jim Morrison boarded a plane for an unknown destination. No one knows for sure where the year-old Jim was or what he did that evening, but by the next morning, one thing was certain: Three months earlier, he had fled Hollywood.
Bloated, bearded and out of control with his drinking, the once-svelte Lizard King had become a sad parody of his former self. Woman, Morrison would guzzle as many as 36 beers in a single day.
The Doors: 'Jim's Death, We Have To Accept That Alcohol Was The Main Culprit' | Louder
His voice was giving out, and he was struggling with his lyric writing. On March 11,he went to Paris for a sabbatical. He intended to get clean, lose some weight and reconnect with his muse. Of the possible scenarios on the night he died, the first has become the most accepted. After the movie, he and Courson returned to their apartment at No. They watched some Super 8 films of a recent Moroccan vacation before Courson went to bed.
Jim stayed up for a while, listening to old Doors albums, trying to suppress a coughing fit that had started earlier in the evening. When he came to bed, he woke Courson, complaining that he felt sick. He was up an hour later, feeling worse.
When he vomited a small quantity of blood, Courson suggested they call a doctor. Jim instead asked her to run a bath for him. While he stretched out in the tub, she went back to bed. Pam, are you there? She called his name.