Is Resentment Ruining Your Marriage? | HuffPost Life
The bitterness and resentment I felt after the end of a long-term relationship would not leave me. When we are recovering from the end of a. Be honest and communicate about key issues in your relationship. you're not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness and resentment. If you've been in one (or many) long-term relationships, you know they're not actually begins to feel the worst form of resentment – bitterness.
And if you're bottling up feelings of anger, sadness or disappointment often, this can lead to feelings of resentment.
Along with this comes less warmth, affection and over time less fondness and admiration for your partner. Forgiveness can allow you to move on with your life and to embrace love, trust and intimacy.
What does forgiveness really mean? When I hear the word "forgiveness" I think about someone who intentionally injures another person physically or emotionally. But what I've come to realize is that forgiveness is more of a perspective and a practice rather than about one act. Forgiving is one way of letting go of your old baggage so that you can heal and move on with your life. It's about giving yourself, your children and perhaps even your partner, the kind of future you and they deserve -- unhampered by hurt and recycled anger.
It's about choosing to live a life wherein others don't have power over you and you're not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is a conscious choice and doesn't mean that we condone another person's actions. It simply means that we are unwilling to give them power over us.
We can spend our lives waiting for someone to apologize or ask for forgiveness, but in the end it is really a decision we make to move on with our lives and to let go of resentment.
Resentment, What Does It Mean And What Causes It?
Eight steps to forgiving your partner: Healthy partnerships are within reach if you let go of fear and believe you are worthy of love and all of the gifts it has to offer. These steps are based on the work of Dr. Gain awareness of the emotions you experience about your past hurt. Talking to a close friend or therapist can help facilitate this process. Take steps to lessen the impact the grievance has on your relationship.
Resentment, What Does It Mean And What Causes It?
Repair the damage by finding ways to soothe hurt feelings. This might include writing a letter or release to the person who injured you -- even if you don't mail it. Your release might read something like: Make a choice to feel hurt for a shorter period.
Challenge your thinking and let go of "unenforceable rules"-- Luskin's term for unrealistic expectations and standards that people hold for themselves and others. This can ultimately lead to less disappointment or distress. Focus on those things that you can control. You can't control the past but you can make better choices today - such as letting go of hurt feelings.
Accept that people do the best they can and attempt to be more understanding. This does not mean that you condone the hurtful actions of others. You simply come to a more realistic view of your past. As you take stock, you will realize that all people operate out of the same basic drives, including self-interest.
Visualize yourself in an honest and open relationship and work towards allowing yourself to be more vulnerable and open with your partner.
Don't allow wounds to fester. Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about holding onto hurt feelings.
When we listen to our partner's side of the story, we no longer need to hold onto hurt feelings. Processing it briefly will allow you to let resentments go so you can move on to a healthier relationship. The final step is learning to think like a forgiving person.Beating Bitterness - Joel Osteen
For one, hug, and do have sex. Even though you both might not be in the same emotional place during the resolution process, connecting physically can help. In fact, some marriage counselors suggest that if the marriage is on a downswing, have sex at least once a day. The scheduled connection might put things in a different light and aid in resolving resentment. Meet on a bridge. This can be metaphorical and also realistic. In order to actualize this place of mutual understanding, one idea is to literally go to a bridge nearby.
The 7 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships
Pack a blanket and a light picnic snack, go to the bridge, and talk things out. The relaxing setting and fresh air can lend itself to openness, as well as taking things less seriously. The bridge has the advantage of serving as a successful means to reconnect. Engage in daily empathy actions. Empathy is not necessarily the default feeling and needs some retraining to become par for the course. Routine empathy can be actualized by checking in with our partners about how they are feeling, looking them in the eye, and regularly giving the benefit of the doubt.
Once empathy becomes intrinsic behavior, resentment often becomes a thing of the past. Are There Limits to Unconditional Love? Empathy, it turns out, is the antidote to anger in relationships.
As such, feelings of empathy also fuel natural anxiety reduction.