Adopted children: more are meeting biological parents | Young Parents
When Amanda Boorman adopted Jazz, then aged five, social workers told her to avoid the town in which her child's birth parents lived. I adopted both my sons at birth. They were both open adoptions, but my younger son's adoption was more open. His birth parents lived with us while he was a. Is our child's biological mother happy with her decision? Two-time adoptive mother Courtney Zimbelman describes the stress-reducing benefits for all.
Open adoption allows for the burning questions that so often accompany adoption to find real answers — Did the child I placed go to a good home?
Two-time adoptive mother Courtney Zimbelman describes the stress-reducing benefits for all: They did not place a child for adoption and have that child just disappear from their lives. They get to see her grow and, I hope, that gives them comfort knowing that the adoption decision they made was the right one. Show me the science. Ninety-five percent of American adoption agencies offer some form of open adoption, and advocates and bloggers are quick to tout its benefits.
Adoption reunions: 'There is no doubt that the road gets bumpy'
However, there is little science to prove that children in open adoption scenarios are better off emotionally than adoptees with no connection to their birth families. A longitudinal study of adoptees at UMass Amherst revealed that there was no notable difference in self-esteem between children in closed and open adoptions.
Simply put, birth parents of children put up for adoption have not signed on to be parents. As such, there is no guarantee that even if they desire some contact with the child they placed, that they will commit to the relationship or be a source of emotional comfort to the child in the long-term. Birth parents withdraw from open adoption relationships with much more frequency than adoptive parents.
When a birth parent is only sporadically involved or disappears altogether, the emotional consequences for children can be devastating. He wonders why he was placed to begin with, then feels rejected again because a birth mother no longer visits.
Open adoption is not a panacea for all emotional issues surrounding adoption. One adoptee recalls the anger and confusion she felt when her birth mother informed her that she would raise her biological sister. His wife answered and she came to walk me back to their house, where he eventually turned up with some excuse about work.
We hugged briefly and I remember tears, but mainly because I was so traumatised after he hadn't come. That anger and disappointment shaped our relationship. I was never quite able to get past it.
But even highly charged Oprah-style reunions do not always end happily. Some fizzle out; others end abruptly in rows. Some never really take off at all. According to Rose Wallace, a specialist in post-adoption, one of the commonest although not inevitable problems is that birth parents often have far greater expectations of their reunion than an adopted adult, and can make excessive demands. I was struck by the physical resemblance, which I'd never shared with anyone.
'The First Time I Saw My Adopted Child' - The Kids Tips & Advice | catchsomeair.us
But she had no more children, and a difficult marriage, and wanted more from me than I could give. I certainly found it niggled away at the relationship. Over time, it became clear that she made a lot of things up, which wasn't endearing. After about 10 years, I'd had enough — although every two years, I'd give it another go. I remember one guy who had a fantastic relationship with his birth mother, but when his own child reached nine months, he got really angry.
He looked at his son and thought, how could you have given me up?